A Visit From My Brother

On Saturday, I was surprised by a knock on the door, I was laying in my bed which is located at the back of the house, down a long hallway, our son runs in and says "Uncle L is here". I got up, almost pretty quickly considering it's hard to walk. I was excited, as I hadn't seen him in years. He knew where we lived because his son, my nephew, had been here before.

We had a good visit, I got information on life that I only had pieces of. Parts of life back when our dad was still alive. Things I didn't know of since I had already been taken and married to my husband. I was suppose to go to another man, who would have been 7 years older than me at the time. He was 25, I was barely 17. My husband snatched me from him by the time I was 4 months from my 18th bday. My husband being only 18 then was more of a man than many men are today even in their 40's. Already working a stable job since he was 12, working for his fathers company. His dad was retired Airforce military having spent 21 years there. After he ran a trucking company where my husband worked as a loading and unloading person of the trucks. Good money for a young kid. I don't know, somewhere around $400 per month back then. When I met him, he made much more.

When we moved back to Southern California nearly a year after we were married and me being pregnant with his first child, he went to work with Larry doing framing for a construction company. That's a story in itself.

L raised his son alone, the mother bailed right after giving birth to him.

My brother is a Truck Driver, following in the steps of our dad, who was a long haul driver from Sacramento to LA for many years until he finally relocated his family to La Verne CA. That's were I went to high school. Bonita high. Well for 2.5 years any how. We moved again to buy a house in the high desert, Apple Valley, ugh. My senior year was there. Blah. It really sucked. Everything I knew went bye bye. Having grown up in Sac it was already a hard transition leaving all the many friends I grew up with to go to La Verne, but luckily I adapted pretty quick there. It really was the best. And the best of memories. Speech and Drama clubs, Debate clubs, chamber singers, concert choir, flag/rifle girl.

Or course L was raised the same as us girls, but opposite, after all he was a male. Our oldest sister who must be 52 by now, very submissive and still married to her high school sweetheart. It wasn't all sweet though. Our brother D passed away a few years ago.

L is who I learned much about BDSM from. I've never been active in the BDSM activities.
Sure I've had my ass spanked, and my hair pulled, and and um...

But that's about it.

My brother is 7 years older than me. He's 47. Our birthdays are the same month.

He's looking for a girl. Submissive or slave, he's slightly familiar with Gor, hasn't read the books, but understands the philosophy as being closest to how we were brought up. He wants me to screen girls for him since he's on the road alot. Tough job for me since I really don't know any.

He doesn't want a doormat, but he does want dinner on the table when he gets home and a clean house. He expects her to mind (this is how our father raised us). He makes decent money, approx $50,000 a year. He doesn't want a gold digger and is adamant about that. The girl would not necessarily get what she wants, but she would have what she needs. You would not control any bit of his money. He would give you some as he chooses. He has other girls. He always has and they know of eachother.

Wow, he looks like our dad. He's tall, mixed (Amerindian, Mexican), dark wavy hair, green eyes, fairly fit, a few tattoos. Very masculine. I'll have some pics up of him soon, once I get them off the camera. He has a past, sometimes good men don't do all good things and sometimes those not so good things are for good reasons.

To be blunt, he doesn't put up with any shit, he would have no problem pointing a girl to the door, which basically means, know your place. Since he drives he's away often, but as of now, home on weekends.

Will get those pics up soon. Well hm, I kinda feel like a pimp, but I'm a slave and this is what I was told to do for him and so I am.

We'll see how it goes

Any questions, toss them my way...

When the Gizmo Malfunctions

My implant has been causing me some troubles. At first I thought I cracked it when I fell through my moms front door in Georgia late October. I'm just really not sure. I know for sure that my wire/lead has slipped. I'm still waiting for an xray authorization to find out where on my spine it is now.

When I lay on my tummy the stimulation is up right beneath my breast bone, weird. Now that's a way to have a wench flip flopping like a fish out of water on the bed. Fun for others to watch, not so fun for me. It makes me scream. A scream one can't hold back. Maybe an intensely loud whimper, a oh my god, make it stop whimper and yelp type thing.

I had to reprogram my programs to try and move the lead down my spine, it works for a little while sometimes, just have to be careful not to bow my spine too drastically, or Zap!!!

But sometimes it's funny when I get too close to an electrical appliance or metal and get goosed in the ass. Hm

When the gizmo fails...

eeps!

Remembering When.... I Was a Poster Girl

As I lay back again in my newer large rounded chair, I remember when I was a poster girl. Not only was I a poster girl for Huey's Diner in West Sacramento, I was on all their menu's for years. Not just our store, but the sister store. We were the second of two stores. The first being on Arden Way. Ours being on Harbor Blvd. I wasn't apart of the West Sacramento Day Parade that year. Instead I served the store with one other girl. A 2 server floor, Nancy and I, amidst 100's of customers that showed up each hour for 6 hours. Wow, we made the big bucks. Originally I would have been apart of that parade, televised live. What I didn't know then was that they needed the strongest servers to run that entire 50's style diner to ultimately make all those customers happy. It was such a slam dunk continously for hours. Hard! And we did it! ! I did!

Not only was I poster girl, but I was one of only two who was selected to do their commercial. Oh how happy I was to be chosen to do it, be apart of it, represent the diner with a smile, and be locally known everywhere I went.

I was already quite popular in our city, I had been for years, I had served the city one way or another since 1997. My first name being unique most everyone knew me and those that didn't personally recalled me when they heard my name again.

That was truly a memorable year. Within a year, I was shift supervisor, within 3 months, I was assistant manager, and within 2 months West Sac was my store. I was General Manager. I couldn't go any higher. There was no one above me but the owner's themselves.

My most sentimental memory as GM was my kitchen manager who named me Caliente. There's a duel story behind this name. The first was the back of the house all thought I was HOT. The second was that the perfume I wore was called Caliente. I still wear it.

I fondly remember the day Rudy came up to me, his nose inhaling my scent as Selena played on the radio. Como la Flor... And he asked what it was.. and I said.. Caliente, he said si chica tu caliente, I said no es caliente.. or something similar and it went on for a few moments as I pulled from my briefcase... Caliente. We all laughed. And there it was, there it stood, there it remained. I was caliente. From that day forward, I was called caliente and so it was caliente was born online in 1997. Later shortened to cali.

While I was a brunette as a poster girl, I was blonde for the commercial. Very long blonde, non bound, wavy locks of tresses flowing down my breasts and continuing down to my belly, with the tiara in place and our single spoken line...

It's Mash Potato Time At Huey's Diner... !!!! Michelle and I in unison and it was a wrap after less than 4 takes. Those 4 takes was just our own, included in the commercial was the male owner bent over the jukebox as if playing a selection, a flash of customers, icecream and more. We were the highlight of it all.

The poster is still in circulation...

It's your guess as to who I am...

Remembering when....

Clinical Trial: Medicinal Cannabis- RSD/CRPS Completed

In November of 2003, UC Davis Medical Center in Sacramento California began a clinical trial for Medicinal Marijuana use for Neuropathic pain associated with Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (CRPS) type 1 and 2. Having been diagnosed with RSD/CRPS type 2 (Causalgia) the same year, I was very eager to participate in the study. The best part was that UCD Medical Center is located just 15 minutes down the street from us. Due to certain circumstances I was not able to participate.

For information about this study please refer to ClinicalTrials.gov .
ClinicalTrials.gov processed this record January 5, 2009. (Today)

ClinicalTrials.gov Identifier:

NCT00254761

What is interesting is that while cannabis for the casual user is technically illegal, mandatory eligibility requirements constituted having previous marijuana experience. You could not be marijuana naive and participate.

While I've never been a big Ganja user, I conducted my own study since I couldn't participate in the Clinical Trial.

While I'm almost certain most participants would claim it decreased their pain significantly whether it did or not simply because when severely pain stricken we become so desperate that we'll do almost anything to survive the moment. With a prescription from our pain manager we can buy, grow (up to 12 plants) and use it legally for pain.

My own personal study concluded with this:

It did not help beyond an approximate 20 minutes for pain itself. I would presume it was because during that 20 minutes I was high. My mind was sidetracked. This is not a bad thing. 20 minutes without pain or even "thinking" you aren't in pain can seem a lifetime when the alternative is praying to die.

When I finished smoking no more than a quarter of a joint, equivalent to 2-3 short to moderate inhales, my legs rushed with warmth, this is also a good thing, it means the damage from the nerves in my legs was responding, but when the pain began increasing again and at it's peak it seemed tri-fold from where it started.

It also heightened my hyper-sexuality. Yet another good thing. However, when the feeling of triple terror overwhelmed me when the pain returned, I was again back to being afraid to be touched as my flesh has become so sensitive over the last couple of years that a brush of passion, a touch of love, feels like being cut with razors instead.

Those with CRPS type 1 previously known as RSD may have better luck. CRPS type 1 means no known nerve injury or damage. Type 2 means with known nerve injury and damage. CRPS type 2 was previously known as Causalgia. RSD became a universal term to mean either.

I am interested in knowing how cannabis has helped those with CRPS type 2.

Is it really worth it? And is it worth it enough?

Perhaps.


~rsdcrpsfire

Suspending Nature

A passive nature, naturally submissive, easy going personality, respectful, courteous, ambitious, loving, playful, dependable, strong, eager to please, thrives on praise, grateful for guidance and correction, willing, deferring to the will of another, graceful, and warm in all she is. Always a good reflection on the man who either owns her or those that are apart of her life. Her attitude doesn't change when she's not in his presence, she's loyal, devoted, he doesn't dummy her down, but supports her efforts and achievements. He encourages her in her endeavors, hopes, dreams, leads her above her failures, takes care of her when she's weak, never lets her feel worthless, lifts her when she's down, is pleased when she's up.

To be or not to be

She inclines her head before authority, lowers her eyes upon an answered question she's asked yet is not satisfied with. Organizations, Lawyers, Judges, bosses, Leading officials, Depositions and more. She allows herself to be treated poorly in the midst of important decision making by those who should be fighting for and advocating on her behalf. She continues with respect in the conversation, she may be told to be silent and except the words she's being told, she does so as her insides grow in anger and she thinks to herself, "What am I doing, why am I letting this go on, why am I allowing these people to treat me so poorly?"

What she is and all that she has been begins to take on something different. She realizes that being pleasing out in the real world barely gets one half way. It's those that are higher up in the world that puts her back down. The man that owns her observes the changes in her, had told her in the past to watch her tone of voice and use of speech before these others. She began to resent it. These are not small matters the girl is dealing with, they are large continously changing life altering events. Her owner finds that he's become helpless in regards to his precious property. He can't save her, but he can believe in her, love her, and cherish her while he gives and blesses her a freedom she's never quite had before.

The freedom to take any actions, do and say what she feels is necessary to any person and go forth in the effort to defend and protect her own well being as well as that of others in similar circumstances.

The only condition being that she have evidence, material or research to back up any claim or argument that she makes. There's only one person that can change the girl's life and that is the girl herself.

So I ask all you men out there (and women)... Would you allow your girl (or boy) to suspend their nature, even if parts of it may make you look bad along the way? Allow her defiance by your side in the presence of others? Would you allow her to tell another man or official to fuck off? Or discipline her after or immediately on the spot for the potty mouth?

Sub-note: Although these questions are posed to the dominants first, I encourage the slaves and submissives to either offer or seek permission to offer their feelings and participate also.

I look forward to your words of wisdom

(Cross-posted from May 22, 2007 - Tuesday)

Back in the Army Again

Early yesterday morning we drove our daughter and future son-in-law back to San Francisco Airport to board their flight destined for Georgia. Another approximate 6 months to complete AIT.

Having our daughter home for Christmas was absolutely wonderful. Meeting her boyfriend and then having him ask my Master (her father) for her hand in marriage was for sure a memorable moment. We really like him.

It's hard being separated from a child.

The drive to the airport seemed to take forever, yet it's only an hour and a half from us. They could have flown into Sacramento, maybe 20 minutes away from us, but the tickets to fly into S.F. was cheaper. And so that's what they did. We did the same thing when we went to her boot graduation in October.

They slept in the van on the way to the airport, we listened to CD's and talked. There were some moments of silence, wandering minds, knowing we'd be hugging her g'bye soon.

And we did soon enough

Love ya, Rikki

Back in the Army again.

$600.00 Bucks was the Price for Freedom

On New Year Eve's day, my Master had to take Freedom to the vet. He wasn't eating, he was cowering down, snapping and growing, but not biting, and we knew something was wrong. Freedom is just a year old now, his temper is easy. Our grandson who will be 3 next month rides him like a horse, pulls his tail, lays on him, they tussle together, so the difference in temper the 2 days prior was really a warning.

He had an infection from a dog bite a week prior when he decided to dart past us out the front gate and go sniff up the neighbors lawn. The dog that lives at that house jumped the fence and bit him.

He goes back to the vet tomorrow to have the 4+ drain tubes removed from his neck.

IV, antibiotics and pain pills

$600.00

We're not informing our neighbors. Both animals were off leashes, our dog was on their property and their dog was only defending it's own property. That's how we look at it. The neighbors knew the day it happened and apologized.

We didn't realize the wound had infected. Our problem.

But $600.00 bucks, good grief!!! We paid it in full. We were so not putting the dog down, just glad we had the cash on hand even though it was a month's worth a mortgage payment. Our entire mortgage is $950, but our oldest daughter pays $400.00 for her own family living here. Atleast her portion is rent, all utilities, laundry, etc etc included.

Okay, so we'll have to make some cut backs. Christmas is over and it was cut back time anyway.

We'll make due.

I cooked a ham New Years Eve and played Wii, slept all day New Year and woke today. Erykah was out all night with the girls and just got home. Infact, I think she's been away since New Years Eve. Poor Fiance was stuck here. sheesh.

They leave for the San Francisco airport at 4:00 a.m.

Am not sure when we'll see her again. Maybe I can make it to GA for one last visit before she gets sent off. She'll be at AIT another 6 months, I think.

If they get married before they're stationed, I think they get to go together, if not, then they'll get separation pay.

I'm feeling separation anxiety again. My pain is uncontrollable. And I'm not sure what to do to sidetrack myself.

Separation anxiety + Chronic pain = Hurts alot!