It's been a long time...

It's been a really long time since I've written. I really don't know where to start.

My man had another heart attack in April the day after I returned home from a 3 day trip to Georgia to see my ill mom. My daughters accompanied me on the flight as I would not have made it on my own otherwise.

This was his second heart attack. He was 38 when he had the first one. He already had 2 stents in his heart when he had this second one. They had to replace one stent entirely and repair the other.

He returned to work 9 days later. Just like the first time he returned within 2 weeks. He's 43 now.

Last month I spent 9 days in the hospital with our 14 year old son. 6 days in PICU. He was intibated for nearly 3 days as a result of a skull fracture and 3 areas of bleeds including his frontal lobe. He's doing well considering but will be a long road to recovery.

He had just started high school less than 2 weeks before. Now he's on Home Hospital. We're home schooling him until at least Jan 1st, 2012. He's in the Police Explorers program. Am really proud of him. He was honored by the state Senator on the steps of the Sacramento State Capital over the summer. He was one of 2 children in his district to receive such recognition. He's going to the Tsunami Convention 2 days after Christmas and has become active in the Baptist Church.

My plate has been so full that I haven't co hosted the Living with Hope radio show in some time.
Hoping to do so again soon.

I am still working at MDJ and now I have my own support group on Facebook. A few years ago I had a popular one at MySpace, but eventually moved some members to MDJ while others went elsewhere. MySpace was doing so many changes and finally Groups went bye bye.

My Group on Facebook is relatively new still. Perhaps 3-4 months old. It was created and then stalled the first 2 months due to other priorities.

Still doing all I can to promote awareness for CRPS/RSD, offer resources, info and support.
I try to make it online every other day. The days of everyday, all day are in the past. Just can't manage it all as I once did. I use to do all niter's when I couldn't sleep, now I just toss and turn waiting and waiting for sleep to come. I often flip the clock without sleeping and then finally crash repeating the same thing with each new day.

I haven't been in a chat room for years. Way back when .. I use to frequent them. Just don't have the energy or time for it anymore.

If I could find a fun one.... maybe.

We had our grandson over the weekend. It was a planned occasion. Took him to the Pumpkin patch. When we got home his uncle (our son) helped him carve his pumpkin. 'Tai spent the night with us and I rode with the man Sunday evening to take him home. Got some pictures at the Pumpkin Patch too. It's hard to believe our grand baby boy is heading on 6.

It was great! Like a fair of sorts. Rides, bounce houses, ponies, lots of hay, mazes, face painting, games, ball tosses, wow, if only we knew.

We had taken the girls there when they were little, our son also. But back then it was nothing like this.

Now we know for next year! I walked it the best I could. Had the wheelchair, but the ground was too rough, so I used it as a walker then carried the pumpkins in it. lol

Tomorrow's my bday, not doing anything, just staying home. I would love a single pain free day. That's it!

Not much else to talk about right now, but I hope all is well with everyone.

Until next time...

ADHD, etc

Just when I thought life couldn't get harder.. it is. As some of you may know, I've been home schooling our son for the last 4 weeks. Yesterday school officials informed us that he would not be allowed back in school without a doctors release and being medicated.

He's been deemed severely ADHC by the Connor scales which 3 teachers and the principal filled out. I've seen changed in our son this last year, but I honestly believe that too many people are being given diagnosis' just to add meaning to problems. In our sons earlier school grades he was quite smart, his grades and SATS above average.

My son just can't sit still, he's bored easily, unlike some kids he takes extra initiative to answer questions (a few of his teachers praised him and us for this) the others found it disrespectful. When an adult is negative to him or tries to scold him, he will lash back out. He's very dominant. He won't stand down especially when he is right.

"course I've looked up all the symptoms and he has them all. It's just that I believe kids are affected by lifes circumstances. Heck, adults are affected by same and lash out.

Kurt was 3 when I was injured. He's gone through much and lost much. I believe that people possess inner strength to over come most all things. I've been teaching him deep breathing, things that I've learned for my own illnesses to learn how to be calm during the worse of it.

Needless to say since we've received that phone call, I've been... I dunno..

Only know our son is everything to me and I don't see how someone can force us to medicate him. I would do anything including medication to help him, but I'm not sure that's the right way to go.

We lost our health insurance nearly a year ago and the man has been refusing medi cal and similar since. We have never applied for things like this. But now, he say's for his sons sake, we have no choice. He's say's he's been helpless to help me all these years and I assure him it's okay because there's nothing he can do. Keeping me is helping me. He does have a chance to help our son and so last evening we opted to find out how to apply for health assistance. See if it was the man and I, we would not ask for assistance, we raised our daughters up and now need to do what we need to for our son or this will get even more out of control.

I'm just going to keep smiling, and smiling, and when I'm sad.. look at him, our son, grand son daughter's and smile again...

Because when they see me smile, they don't see my pain, and they smile...

I go back into surgery in the next 6 months.. it's all this crap that remains in our sons mind and heart, I know it.

The man and son exchange words often and it's because there's 2 strong dominants under the same roof, strong alpha males and everyone knows put to alpha's together, one of them will usually back down or defer.. these two don't.

Our son knows more about Gorean ideals and gorean living more than most 30 years old. It's been his up bringing and when it comes to taking charge, he's right on top of it.

Surprisingly it's the male teachers that have little to no problem with him except one from time to time and it's the female's that do. We've tried to tell him that once labeled the bad kid, often he will not be given another chance even when he's doing good. We've tested this and we were right.

There were days when he did well in class and still one of those females would find something, anything to put him down for..

I realize it wasn't quite nice to tell his teacher to "Be silent, woman" or "stop yelling at me, woman", but I also realize there was lots more he could have said. I really didn't think it was all that bad. At least he didn't say.. Be silent, slut! lol

Other females like counselor's, passerby's in the stores, or else where, adore him. He holds doors open for elderly, is compassionate to those with my own illness and even others. He cares.

Kurt joined 2 support groups with me at MDJ and was eager to do so. The ADHD group has 467 members, but the ADHD-Teens only 42 and no leader.. I bypassed the application form and notified the owner of the entire site to ask if he would give me a chance in leading this kids.

Being that I'm already a Group Leader there in the RSD Forum and second in charge of 5 leaders, as well as an Advocate, my Master gave me his permission, but warned me to be careful of overload. I told him if it became too overwhelming, I would seek out another leader for the kids and either remain as a back up or step down entirely.

I've been struggling with this in my first group, but the thing is is everyday is overwhelming for me. I have an idea of how to help these kids.. I'm good at things like that. Even in my RSD group, I run games and other things for distraction. Not every thread is technical.

I'm a leader, I'm just not dominant. I defer to the man above me. Even if appointed leader to the ADHD-Teens (as the first and only leader) I would still defer to a man. The owner himself.

So far both are pleased with my work there. I'm allowed to take initiative (that is important to the owner) and I do. I don't wait for someone to give me permission, but I do accept consequences.

Just as a slave, I do not need to be told every moment of the day what is expected of me. I know what is expected of me.

Well phew.. I know I babbled on a lot tonight...

My life has been full of challenges, some extreme, I'll get through this one too...

For my sons sake..

Until next time..