An Emotional Wreck

My blog title seems accurate, but I have to keep it together some how. I've haven't been well the last couple of weeks, in a daze most of the time.

On top of the constant burning in my legs, having missed my (cover your ears guys) period for 2 months but still feeling it coming just added to the over all aches and pains my body has been going through. I kept having panic attacks, one minute I was there, the next I wasn't. A frightening feeling of jumping out of ones own skin and hopping back in just as quick.

I finally started my girl time and ... Ugh!

Spacing out when being spoken to, my mind was on something else, sensing something coming. A feeling of discontentment and then it happened.

The man lost his job 2 days ago.

He's just as emotional but I am his calm. I have to be. I am his security to feel it will be okay instead of that it won't be.

Prior to finding this out, I've gone days without sleep, other days I sleep too much, and I have become burn out on doing anything. I'm behind in housework, I haven't fed anyone more than once or twice in more than a week or so. Last evening I made pork chops and even that seemed to be a major accomplishment.

If I thought I could work outside the home I would be already doing it. I've been promoting my adult toy stores the best that I can without purchasing advertising packages. It's not easy when competing against top businesses in the same category. I won't spam people. I'm not the type to send or spam the links off to people in my address books. I continue to hold back on that one.
Nor have I ever entered a chat room and tossed the links out there. I can remember the days back when I chatted myself in Yahoo and was so annoyed by the amount of spam.
Spam took over! I, like many others I'm sure got tired of putting people on ignore. I quit going.

My dad is finally home from the recovery center/hospital after a 2 month stay of surgeries and infections. I haven't even called. I sent mom a text message to say I was so glad he was better finally.

I don't feel content to discuss my pain and emotions with others. I'm use to and happy being the shoulder others need to express theirs. I haven't even written in my journals or blogs for some time.

My blogs are available to more than just my contacts. Family, friends and any can read it. I've held back for that purpose. Ah well that's what this is for... to babble on my thoughts or business.

I woke early this morning. Saw our son off to school. I took 2 Neurontin/Gabapentin just a bit ago and now I'm spaced to the hilt and extremely tired.

Think I'll try to sleep again now...

Until next time...

Emotional Emotions

This one's Master woke her about 11:00am to tell her to take her meds and she did. He didn't tell her to get up, just to get those meds down. She woke up about an hour later, sat up, and stared at her laptop which is on a stand right next to the bed. She took the less important of her meds. The Morphine and Cymbalta is what he told her to take. Those have to be taken properly and on a schedule. Her son brought her some iced coffee all the makings of a wonderful start to her day.

Within a half hour she started crying. Her stimulator wasn't working right, she figured she slept wrong, bending her back, easy to happen especially in ones sleep. There was pressure on her back, not really uncommon, it's healing back there, or should be. She started to get overly emotional that she just went through all this for nothing. Not true, it was for something. She called her Master in to take off her collar because she thought it might be interfering, it's only been back on 2 days. Kind of like when a baby gets an allergic reaction, remove anything new from the baby, like detergents or food. As she lowered her head for him to remove it, she started bawling even worse, she held back as best she could. He understood her feelings though. Her collar takes a screw and allen wrench, it's the one she got for Christmas, an Eternity collar. While it may seem weird to some, that collar is her freedom. All her collars are her freedom. She does not like when it's not there. He's going to look for one of her others, or buy her another in the meantime if need be.

Then she took her temperature and it said 32.9. No! That's impossible. Her emotions started turning to annoyance. The battery must be going out in it. She's been running between 81 and 89.

Then she tried to go potty (yeah that kind) It hurt! because of the pressure on her spine, no doubt.

One supposes because all this smacked her in the face at one time is the reason she feels detached from herself still.

She'll be getting her shower soon. The man is putting our son a computer together now and she hasn't called him to tell him she's ready. After waiting all these days for one, at the moment she doesn't care anymore. But have to do it. Everything is ready, clean towels, a seperate cloth to pat the areas dry, etc.

Have to get it done within the hour no matter what because the man ordered ppv wrestling for him and his son to watch and it starts at 3:00p.m.

Until later...