An Emotional Wreck

My blog title seems accurate, but I have to keep it together some how. I've haven't been well the last couple of weeks, in a daze most of the time.

On top of the constant burning in my legs, having missed my (cover your ears guys) period for 2 months but still feeling it coming just added to the over all aches and pains my body has been going through. I kept having panic attacks, one minute I was there, the next I wasn't. A frightening feeling of jumping out of ones own skin and hopping back in just as quick.

I finally started my girl time and ... Ugh!

Spacing out when being spoken to, my mind was on something else, sensing something coming. A feeling of discontentment and then it happened.

The man lost his job 2 days ago.

He's just as emotional but I am his calm. I have to be. I am his security to feel it will be okay instead of that it won't be.

Prior to finding this out, I've gone days without sleep, other days I sleep too much, and I have become burn out on doing anything. I'm behind in housework, I haven't fed anyone more than once or twice in more than a week or so. Last evening I made pork chops and even that seemed to be a major accomplishment.

If I thought I could work outside the home I would be already doing it. I've been promoting my adult toy stores the best that I can without purchasing advertising packages. It's not easy when competing against top businesses in the same category. I won't spam people. I'm not the type to send or spam the links off to people in my address books. I continue to hold back on that one.
Nor have I ever entered a chat room and tossed the links out there. I can remember the days back when I chatted myself in Yahoo and was so annoyed by the amount of spam.
Spam took over! I, like many others I'm sure got tired of putting people on ignore. I quit going.

My dad is finally home from the recovery center/hospital after a 2 month stay of surgeries and infections. I haven't even called. I sent mom a text message to say I was so glad he was better finally.

I don't feel content to discuss my pain and emotions with others. I'm use to and happy being the shoulder others need to express theirs. I haven't even written in my journals or blogs for some time.

My blogs are available to more than just my contacts. Family, friends and any can read it. I've held back for that purpose. Ah well that's what this is for... to babble on my thoughts or business.

I woke early this morning. Saw our son off to school. I took 2 Neurontin/Gabapentin just a bit ago and now I'm spaced to the hilt and extremely tired.

Think I'll try to sleep again now...

Until next time...

Sacramento's Tent City

Because times have become so rough, millions of layoff's, the economy being in down road spiral an area of Sacramento has been filled with hundreds of homeless people. The area has come to be known as Tent City. There are tents everywhere in a somewhat secluded area, but not unseen from cars passing and some onlookers. Families, children, bbq's, some without tents, taken in by other homeless. Only a few cars owned, many bicycles, tables.

Tent City is being cleared. A grant has been approved to help these people in shelters, store their belongings while their in the shelter. But... one only gets a night and a hot meal. Worse cases a couple of days and a meal.

Many don't want hand outs, they are surviving the best that they can. These aren't the typical bums or homeless sleeping under bridges, or lazy people who really don't care to work and instead live off others handouts.

These people lost everything. Their jobs, their homes were foreclosed on. Where else do they go? It could have been us. My husband has been unemployed since late November after working for the same company 13 years. A major mass layoff from a company that survived world war 2. They didn't go out of business, they relocated to another state thinking it would save them costs, labor dollars, etc. The man could have taken a transfer, but where would we have gone when we got there? Instead he took his severance package, he cashed out his 401 and a small pension. It is what we are living off of. Luckily I recieved a good chunk of back pay in late October to go with this. We lost our retirement future, but we will not lose our home that we purchased April 15 of last year. Nor will be become homeless, we won't lose our minor son as a result. Our glass is still half full. We figure considering it all. We're still on middle ground.

Leave the people in Tent City Alone

They aren't hurting anyone, they are helping one another, when someone gets work, they share with one another. They have no address so they will not qualify for any type of aid. This also makes getting a job tough.

Usually people compain that lazy people are sucking up all our resources, increase our taxes because of welfare, AFDC and programs like this. Normally I would agree.

I cannot agree now.

So a few people don't like the scenery when they travel and look over to it. Imagine how many neighborhoods across the country that are torn down, beat up, ghetto poor that's always existed. The dirty projects we have to pass on the way to work, or to the store, doctor appointments, school.

People always have something to bitch about, but they aren't the ones in the hole.
I'm certain if they were and there was no where for them to go...they'd go camping too.

There are other smaller tent cities it's just that this one made news headlines several times. The ones now will just pack up and move on to another before letting the city governments make their choices and I hope they do. A day or a couple in shelter gives them what? It gives them a notice that they can no longer stay. With the amount of money they received in grants. $250,000 to start and another $150,000 in the last week or about, they could restore a dump and give them more permanent housing. I would propose a 3 month stay that includes an address, or vacant buildings that are similar to shelters, so they can pick themselves back up. I'm sure $350,000 could rent a couple auditorium type buildings for 6 months to a year and provide 2 groups to stay their 3 months. That could help atleast 300 people at a time. If they're living in tents, I doubt they would complain to live somewhere like this that was more permanent and would actually help them. I would sleep on a cot next to my Master with our son next to us in the corner of a shelter type building if it meant a semi permanent address so he could get work if we were in the same position as those people. Thank God, were not. But can you see how my heart goes out to them? The hard times put them there.

If that's all there was...

We would and we could call it home. My Master would retain his independence, honor and integrity. If there was no plan like this... We'd stay in our tent and go where we would be harder to find.

That's all these families are trying to do.

Leave them be!

Until next time...