My blog title seems accurate, but I have to keep it together some how. I've haven't been well the last couple of weeks, in a daze most of the time.
On top of the constant burning in my legs, having missed my (cover your ears guys) period for 2 months but still feeling it coming just added to the over all aches and pains my body has been going through. I kept having panic attacks, one minute I was there, the next I wasn't. A frightening feeling of jumping out of ones own skin and hopping back in just as quick.
I finally started my girl time and ... Ugh!
Spacing out when being spoken to, my mind was on something else, sensing something coming. A feeling of discontentment and then it happened.
The man lost his job 2 days ago.
He's just as emotional but I am his calm. I have to be. I am his security to feel it will be okay instead of that it won't be.
Prior to finding this out, I've gone days without sleep, other days I sleep too much, and I have become burn out on doing anything. I'm behind in housework, I haven't fed anyone more than once or twice in more than a week or so. Last evening I made pork chops and even that seemed to be a major accomplishment.
If I thought I could work outside the home I would be already doing it. I've been promoting my adult toy stores the best that I can without purchasing advertising packages. It's not easy when competing against top businesses in the same category. I won't spam people. I'm not the type to send or spam the links off to people in my address books. I continue to hold back on that one.
Nor have I ever entered a chat room and tossed the links out there. I can remember the days back when I chatted myself in Yahoo and was so annoyed by the amount of spam.
Spam took over! I, like many others I'm sure got tired of putting people on ignore. I quit going.
My dad is finally home from the recovery center/hospital after a 2 month stay of surgeries and infections. I haven't even called. I sent mom a text message to say I was so glad he was better finally.
I don't feel content to discuss my pain and emotions with others. I'm use to and happy being the shoulder others need to express theirs. I haven't even written in my journals or blogs for some time.
My blogs are available to more than just my contacts. Family, friends and any can read it. I've held back for that purpose. Ah well that's what this is for... to babble on my thoughts or business.
I woke early this morning. Saw our son off to school. I took 2 Neurontin/Gabapentin just a bit ago and now I'm spaced to the hilt and extremely tired.
Think I'll try to sleep again now...
Until next time...
Friday, September 17, 2010
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Always Tired
I'm always so very tired.
Being busy poops me out, doing nothing poops me out.
I was chosen to participate in a Neuropathic Pain Study. Originally I sent my fax in to late via the man and having to rely on him. I was put on the waiting list. After replying that I was still interested if a spot opened, I was emailed back within days that there was an opening.
This is a 6 week study. I'm hoping it helps me as well as the millions who suffer or struggle with neuropathic pain and similar conditions or disorders.
The last radio show went great! I was low in the beginning and went from head set to hand set mid show. It did go well after all. You may have to turn me up in the beginning. The show was on Mirror Therapy and Desensitization.
Here it is nearly 4:00 a.m and while I'm sleepy, I'm awake sitting up in bed in the dark. I'm often like this. Even fall asleep sitting up.
Our son started the 8th grade on Monday. The girls are doing well.
The man has been back to work for a month now. A bit of separation anxiety still exists, but unlike my friend who recently lost her Master without warning, mine is coming home for as long as the good Lord allows.
I think about my friend and how she's coping. It brings back memories of my own Master's heart attack at his age of 38 at the time. Fear has continued to run through me ever since. He still has 2 stents in his heart. But I have him and I'm grateful.
I pray my friend has a bright and happy future ahead of her.
I haven't done too much more with my other xxx blog or any of them really.
Keeping dishes washed and man toilet clean is chore enough most days. Cooking meals are exhausting my limbs. Pain over flows and I have a hard time catching up.
I've lost a few pounds, but worry the return to taking Neurontin will put it back on.
In June we celebrated 24 years together, on the 14th (a few days ago) we quietly celebrated 23 married. It's sometimes hard to believe we're heading on 25 years.
I've belonged to him 7 years longer than I ever belonged my parents.
One thing I have become some what addicted to is the series Lost. Been watching it on Netflix starting from 2004 finally up to 2006. A few episodes an evening when able. Yep, I'm stuck!
Wishing you all well
Until next time..
Being busy poops me out, doing nothing poops me out.
I was chosen to participate in a Neuropathic Pain Study. Originally I sent my fax in to late via the man and having to rely on him. I was put on the waiting list. After replying that I was still interested if a spot opened, I was emailed back within days that there was an opening.
This is a 6 week study. I'm hoping it helps me as well as the millions who suffer or struggle with neuropathic pain and similar conditions or disorders.
The last radio show went great! I was low in the beginning and went from head set to hand set mid show. It did go well after all. You may have to turn me up in the beginning. The show was on Mirror Therapy and Desensitization.
Here it is nearly 4:00 a.m and while I'm sleepy, I'm awake sitting up in bed in the dark. I'm often like this. Even fall asleep sitting up.
Our son started the 8th grade on Monday. The girls are doing well.
The man has been back to work for a month now. A bit of separation anxiety still exists, but unlike my friend who recently lost her Master without warning, mine is coming home for as long as the good Lord allows.
I think about my friend and how she's coping. It brings back memories of my own Master's heart attack at his age of 38 at the time. Fear has continued to run through me ever since. He still has 2 stents in his heart. But I have him and I'm grateful.
I pray my friend has a bright and happy future ahead of her.
I haven't done too much more with my other xxx blog or any of them really.
Keeping dishes washed and man toilet clean is chore enough most days. Cooking meals are exhausting my limbs. Pain over flows and I have a hard time catching up.
I've lost a few pounds, but worry the return to taking Neurontin will put it back on.
In June we celebrated 24 years together, on the 14th (a few days ago) we quietly celebrated 23 married. It's sometimes hard to believe we're heading on 25 years.
I've belonged to him 7 years longer than I ever belonged my parents.
One thing I have become some what addicted to is the series Lost. Been watching it on Netflix starting from 2004 finally up to 2006. A few episodes an evening when able. Yep, I'm stuck!
Wishing you all well
Until next time..
Thursday, August 05, 2010
Mirror Therapy (on the air live tomorrow morning)
Hi everyone
Please join me tomorrow morning August 6th, 2010 at 9:00 a.m PST, 11:00 a.m Central and 12:00 p.m noon EST
For a show on Mirror Therapy and desensitization. I'll be your guest with Host Trudy Thomas http://www.blogtalkradio.com/thematrix777
A chat room is also available during the show.
The show is a live one hour segment (but can be downloaded after the show airs or played directly from the site) You can call in and ask questions too Call in number 347-884-9691
We ask that you bring a mirror, full length for lower extremity or a table top for upper extremity RSD. Bring cotton or silk for desensitization. This is not a requirement, but helpful.
Privileged once again to be the guest speaker on the Living with RSD radio show tomorrow morning discussing/teaching Mirror Therapy and desensitization. My 2nd time on the air as a guest, the last time as co host. The targeted audience is for those with disabilities, in chronic pain or who've lost the use of their limbs or ROM.
Until next time...
Saturday, July 24, 2010
New Adult Blog
Adult related. Add if you like. Not intended for the weak. Explicit links included. salacioussurrender.blogspot.com
-----
Keeping as busy as able. Working various venues, and then pooping out again. The mans new work schedule will take a lot of getting use to and difficult to keep up on anything besides him and the home.
On days I couldn't manage being up and about, he would help with some dinners at times. This isn't going to happen any more, nor should it, so there may be more nights the rest of the home are on their own. I don't like that. I don't even like knowing that. It makes me feel terrible. Still not sure how it's going to work out. Pushing myself too much, puts me down for days. There isn't any balance.
We did go to the lake a week or so ago for a few hours. Had a great time. I eased myself into the water as most of us do to get use to it. I finally fully submerged a couple of times. But my knee to my toes on the right side still feel like it's in ice water. A painful feeling. The fire and ice burning is awful.
My dad's had even more surgeries since his motor cycle accident a couple of months ago, staph infections run through him and he's just not well at all. He's now going back to a rehab facility for another 5-7 weeks. Mom continued to work and stay with him at the hospital. I don't think she can stay with him at the rehab. All we can do is keep praying.
I'm not sure how often I'll check into this blog, I'm overloaded, but there's a reason to the other. I'm leaving the domain of same name pointed to my toy store for now and where it's been for over a year or more, the new blog is for what I had prior to losing a site/directory I had a few years ago. If I get it back to what it was, if ever, I'll make the blog the domain and list the toy store instead.
Warm wishes
Until next time...
-----
Keeping as busy as able. Working various venues, and then pooping out again. The mans new work schedule will take a lot of getting use to and difficult to keep up on anything besides him and the home.
On days I couldn't manage being up and about, he would help with some dinners at times. This isn't going to happen any more, nor should it, so there may be more nights the rest of the home are on their own. I don't like that. I don't even like knowing that. It makes me feel terrible. Still not sure how it's going to work out. Pushing myself too much, puts me down for days. There isn't any balance.
We did go to the lake a week or so ago for a few hours. Had a great time. I eased myself into the water as most of us do to get use to it. I finally fully submerged a couple of times. But my knee to my toes on the right side still feel like it's in ice water. A painful feeling. The fire and ice burning is awful.
My dad's had even more surgeries since his motor cycle accident a couple of months ago, staph infections run through him and he's just not well at all. He's now going back to a rehab facility for another 5-7 weeks. Mom continued to work and stay with him at the hospital. I don't think she can stay with him at the rehab. All we can do is keep praying.
I'm not sure how often I'll check into this blog, I'm overloaded, but there's a reason to the other. I'm leaving the domain of same name pointed to my toy store for now and where it's been for over a year or more, the new blog is for what I had prior to losing a site/directory I had a few years ago. If I get it back to what it was, if ever, I'll make the blog the domain and list the toy store instead.
Warm wishes
Until next time...
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Medical (Medicinal) Marijuana Defense Trial
Jeffrey's Story- Medical (Medicinal) Marijuana Defense Trial
http://www.crpsadvisory.com/jeffreysstory_introduction.html
For more information click on the related tabs via the link above.
A video presentation is coming soon.
If you support Jeffrey please sign the guest book and let him know.
Any further comments and thoughts are welcomed also.
We are much safer in California, we can get legal prescriptions for cannabis to purchase through various smoke shops. possess eight ounces of dried cannabis, six mature plants, or up to twelve immature plants minimally. Some counties allow even more.
Jeffrey is from Florida and the laws are so tight that 1 plant is too much. From my source at: http://norml.org/index.cfm?wtm_view=&Group_ID=4530.It he's looking at 5-15 easy.
Harsh for trying to be a survivor rather than a sufferer.
Some might say he should have known better, but drastic times call for drastic measures...
As I've said before..
It really hurts to hurt.
Until next time...
http://www.crpsadvisory.com/jeffreysstory_introduction.html
For more information click on the related tabs via the link above.
A video presentation is coming soon.
If you support Jeffrey please sign the guest book and let him know.
Any further comments and thoughts are welcomed also.
We are much safer in California, we can get legal prescriptions for cannabis to purchase through various smoke shops. possess eight ounces of dried cannabis, six mature plants, or up to twelve immature plants minimally. Some counties allow even more.
Jeffrey is from Florida and the laws are so tight that 1 plant is too much. From my source at: http://norml.org/index.cfm?wtm_view=&Group_ID=4530.It he's looking at 5-15 easy.
Harsh for trying to be a survivor rather than a sufferer.
Some might say he should have known better, but drastic times call for drastic measures...
As I've said before..
It really hurts to hurt.
Until next time...
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Exhaustion Runs Through Me
I've been so tired. I have no energy. The pain drains me entirely. I'm often in a daze. I hear voices, but they seem so far away, even when they're just a whisper away. Conversations, television, etc.
I've been asked to co host the Living with RSD radio show beginning Friday June 18 @ 9:00 a.m. PST Guest is a pain management physician with further specialties from NV. while the current co host takes some medical leave days. I'm excited. A little nervous, of course. The shows are live and not scripted. The show I was on last month turned out well. After a few shows I should be fine. The host takes care of nearly all the interviewing, I'll chime in as necessary. I'll be managing the chat room as well. The host is wonderful. She's done well to bring so much information to the masses. Couldn't be happier to be apart of it.
I'm helping a man promote awareness for his "first medical (marijuana) defense trial". Advocating the medicinal use for chronic pain. He's the one facing trial. His story can be found here http://www.CRPSAdvisory.com/JeffreysStory There will be more to come.
I've been really busy. Major tool for chronic pain is distraction.
Been trying to take care of the men of the home, but it's getting harder and harder. My body is so weak. I can get dinner's prepared, cooked and served 3-4 days a week at best. For every day up, it's still the next down. Sometimes I can go 2-3 days in a row, but then a hard crash. Just wish it was a crash that came with sleep. Solid, undisturbed sleep. Never the case. It's a cycle I just can't break. My body can't take it. I have so much guilt for not being able to do more physically. While I know it's not my fault it doesn't make it easier. I care a lot.
I want to do more, I want to jump and up and down, dance, or ski, It hurts like hell to just stand, and when I do, I have to raise my spine slowly up into proper standing position, or my back and spine seizes. Taking just a few steps is sometimes unbearable.
I try to smile often. I love all that I do to help others and all that I advocate for. I wish I had more left in me to do even more. It makes me happy and gives me a sense of purpose. My calling must be in here somewhere. I have to pace my time and effort carefully.
I may need to return to one of the medications I gave up last summer. I made it a year! It's been a really hard year. I did it!
My pain feels like a blow torch has been set to my flesh and the iciest of ice picks have been thrust through me. Continuous, an intense constant ache right down to the bones. Body seizures, jerking hard with no warning, just to cease as quickly as they occur.
Having to tell the one you love to stop a tender caress is as painful emotionally as it is physically. It's really sad.
I can feel myself slipping faster and faster, but there's no rock bottom to crash into, I have to catch myself before I fall. Me! I have to have the will fly upward and so much more than that the determination to go on.
I keep telling myself "pain can't break me". Oh but it tries. I no longer pray for a cure. I pray for calm and ease. Inner peace. I'm really not a sufferer, I am a survivor.
It's all so bittersweet
Until next time...
I've been asked to co host the Living with RSD radio show beginning Friday June 18 @ 9:00 a.m. PST Guest is a pain management physician with further specialties from NV. while the current co host takes some medical leave days. I'm excited. A little nervous, of course. The shows are live and not scripted. The show I was on last month turned out well. After a few shows I should be fine. The host takes care of nearly all the interviewing, I'll chime in as necessary. I'll be managing the chat room as well. The host is wonderful. She's done well to bring so much information to the masses. Couldn't be happier to be apart of it.
I'm helping a man promote awareness for his "first medical (marijuana) defense trial". Advocating the medicinal use for chronic pain. He's the one facing trial. His story can be found here http://www.CRPSAdvisory.com/JeffreysStory There will be more to come.
I've been really busy. Major tool for chronic pain is distraction.
Been trying to take care of the men of the home, but it's getting harder and harder. My body is so weak. I can get dinner's prepared, cooked and served 3-4 days a week at best. For every day up, it's still the next down. Sometimes I can go 2-3 days in a row, but then a hard crash. Just wish it was a crash that came with sleep. Solid, undisturbed sleep. Never the case. It's a cycle I just can't break. My body can't take it. I have so much guilt for not being able to do more physically. While I know it's not my fault it doesn't make it easier. I care a lot.
I want to do more, I want to jump and up and down, dance, or ski, It hurts like hell to just stand, and when I do, I have to raise my spine slowly up into proper standing position, or my back and spine seizes. Taking just a few steps is sometimes unbearable.
I try to smile often. I love all that I do to help others and all that I advocate for. I wish I had more left in me to do even more. It makes me happy and gives me a sense of purpose. My calling must be in here somewhere. I have to pace my time and effort carefully.
I may need to return to one of the medications I gave up last summer. I made it a year! It's been a really hard year. I did it!
My pain feels like a blow torch has been set to my flesh and the iciest of ice picks have been thrust through me. Continuous, an intense constant ache right down to the bones. Body seizures, jerking hard with no warning, just to cease as quickly as they occur.
Having to tell the one you love to stop a tender caress is as painful emotionally as it is physically. It's really sad.
I can feel myself slipping faster and faster, but there's no rock bottom to crash into, I have to catch myself before I fall. Me! I have to have the will fly upward and so much more than that the determination to go on.
I keep telling myself "pain can't break me". Oh but it tries. I no longer pray for a cure. I pray for calm and ease. Inner peace. I'm really not a sufferer, I am a survivor.
It's all so bittersweet
Until next time...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
