Monday, April 19, 2010

Dad's Motorcycle Accident

On April 14th I was awoken to a call from my mom. She said "Hi, honey" and right away I knew there was something wrong. In my half awake, partially comatose state, I could sense something different in her voice and in just those two words.

My dad (step) had been in a bad motorcycle accident. He was in critical condition. They thought he had punctured his Aorta, kidneys and so forth. He has a sliver fracture at his spine.

It was his birthday.

On Saturday, the 17th, he was fitted for outer braces the second option to allow him to heal so the fracture doesn't move and paralyze him. The other option was surgery where a steel brace would be implanted on both sides.

I was so scared. Mom married this man, who happened to be her high school sweet heart 7 years after I closed my own dad's eyes who died of lung cancer in my husband's home in 1991. I took care of my dad while he passed. He came to our home to pass on, instead of remaining in the hospital to do it.

I took on all the responsibilities at 22, married 5 years, 2 daughters and mom came with. My husband and his father took care of the funeral and the military salutes. Bless my father in law who passed on a year after, an mom in law who passed on a year after that.

Our children had one grandparent left and that was my mom. I continued to care for her for years until we got her an apartment of her own a block down the street to try to live again independently.

They were married 25 years.

A few years after, she had a dream one night about the old days and woke with a name on her mind. Her old boyfriend, Don. She contacted his mother who was in Sacramento and from there she met up wit him again.

To make a long story shorter they were married in 1998. Yesterday was their anniversary.

When I first found out of the accident, I was so fearful. I worried about mom needing support, I prayed he wouldn't die, I couldn't even get there.

My immediate family other than my man, and children are in Georgia.

Not only would there have been an issue with monies, but of traveling. Scraping up the funds for 1 round trip ticket to Atlanta would be one thing, transporting myself would be another. I would be wheelchair bound.. all I could think of was.... how? The next thought was to take my son with as he grew up with my disabilities and could care for me even at 13. But then... more $$$.

I was so relieved to find dad's been alert and even playful at times, ornery too.

Mom and dad both work. At the same store. Dad retired years ago and has that income, but now may be forced to retire again.

He's still in the hospital and it will be a long recovery and life will be different.

The Harley's been destroyed. A freak accident. He avoided hitting a critter in the road which was the cause of losing control of the bike.

I just hope all stays the same or gets better... it's still a critical time of knowing all for sure.

Until next time...

Monday, April 12, 2010

3 Weeks Post Pain Block

I had a really good 4 days of pain relief. The pain crept back up so quickly and I think the change in the barometric pressure added to it again.

My body tells me when it's about to rain. It goes crazy days before. I've been pushing myself to have some sort of routine. At best it's dinner for the men each night. I'm not very active at all, my legs only have so much time in a day to keep me up. I plan that up time for preparing supper. I serve them their plates, wash up the dishes and I'm down again. Sometimes I eat, sometimes I don't.

This illness continues to suck the life out of me. It's not just the pain, no energy at all.

I'm often back in bed right after dinner is taken care of. Try to relax to a little tv. Wait and hope to fall asleep and stay asleep, but I'm lucky to get 2 hours at a time.

Sometimes I try to knock myself out with OTC pm meds. (Tylenol PM, etc) I just don't stay asleep. I can never get comfortable.

My body seizers often, myoclonic jerks partially due to Dystonia which I ended up with secondary to CRPS. It's like some one pushed me hard, jerked me violently. I've hit myself in the face before when my shoulders and arms jerked. It's scary.

They are completely uncontrollable. Never know when it's coming. It's all night long and only recently starting when I'm upright or trying to walk. It's usually always been in a laying position.

Every so often, I'm found sitting up in bed in indian style, but asleep. It's the only way to ease the jerking. I assume that's why I do it. They'll let me know to lay back down and I do, but sometimes I do it again not knowing I'm doing it. I find myself sitting up all the time.

I worry over it, but what can a girl do?

I don't use my wheel chair in the home. I use my legs. But it's getting harder and harder. I have to pace myself.

Really that's the only reason they get dinner... pacing. If I over do it, we all lose out.

Our daughters have been moved out for about 6 weeks now I think. I'm the sole female here. 2 men, the son and I.

I may be having 2 more blocks set up at my next pain management appointment. A few days of eased pain isn't much and some mind think not even worth the risk, but in my situation it is worth the breather I get when pain decreases enough for me to smile and mean it.

I'm reconsidering having the nerves severed permanetly. If I do it, I may never walk again. I wouldn't feel my foot/leg.

There are no good options with this illness. Learning to manage ones own pain with the assistance of a pain management clinic is all we can do.

Visual imagery, meditation, distraction, mobilities, meds, spinal cord stimulation and physical therapy.

Move it or lose it.

Until next time