Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Happy New Year!

May the new year bring you hope, prosperity, luck, love, laughter, passion & joy.

I wish us all a splendiferous 2009.

2009 ToDo List

1. Continue to be the best slave that I can be to my Master and with unconditional servitude accept his decision to take another slave when that time comes.

2. Continue to strive harder by sleeping less to spend as much time as I can with my family. They need me in their presence and I need them in mine.

3. Try not to judge a person based on the judgement of others. I can decide for myself and learn for myself. I don't need saving.

4. Let go and toss away all the negative energies amidst life's complications. I don't need drama, I don't seek it and I don't thrive on it, I'll remain content in my little 'ol world. I'll be sure to live longer without the anxiety and stress.

5. Make sure that I'm always available to help those in need, especially those struggling with and attempting to survive RSD(S)/CRPS. Pain is universal, but so is hope.

6. Continue to work hard in finding a cure for RSD(S)/CRPS. Providing information, resources, advocacy, constant research, clinical trials and promoting awareness to the entire world.

7. Continue to work on my degree in Corporate Publishing. It may take me forever, and it may never happen, but I can keep trying. *I already passed the pre req classes with a B average and earned that certificate.

8. Try to keep my body healthy and strong despite the complications. I've beat negative odds before, I can do it again.

9. Be the reminder that when ones life becomes borrowed time, your entire outlook on life changes. It all changes. Everything it once was changes. Show others that if they fix the negatives, hurt and bitterness in their lives now, there will be nothing heavy on ones shoulders to carry around, instead only peace. Pass on in peace.

10. Never step back and never stand down. If someone said, I'm going to die tomorrow, I'll be right there telling them I'm going to live past it. If I'm told it's over, I'll tell you, it's only just begun. If I'm told I can't, watch me, I will. If someone told me they're leaving, I'll say, that's okay, I'll still be here for you. If someone told me to "go get fucked", I'd say thank you, don't mind if I do. And then I'd go beg some. And with it your request would surely be granted. ~winks

Bonus. Life Goes On


Or is it Wweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee? It's definitely both. The Wii has piqued my interest in regards to physical activity almost more than anything else this year. I really like the bowling. I love spending time with my family playing it. Being ambidextrous I'm much better with my left hand than my right. I just can't play with my right the same, but I do have one up on the others when I need to switch, since they can't seem to maneuver with their non-dominant limb. I can. (smiles)

I'm thinking of getting the Wii fitness, I already asked for it, but I know I won't play with it as much since it takes more leg activity than the sports does. Yoga might be good for me, though. Fitness comes with dancing. I remember when I use to try the DDR or Dance Dance Revolution. It was so fun, but my legs couldn't handle it for long and the payback was ten fold.

I don't even spend as much time on my treadmill that I should. Am lucky to be able to stay on it 3-5 minutes and I need to use my arms to lift my body to relieve strain off my legs.

I'm still waiting for the surgery center to call, but I knew there would be an extra delay, plus it has to go through the utilization review board (they're haters). If I could get a good block, decrease in pain, and all that good stuff then I would have a few days or more to be active. One of the necessities after a block is extreme physical activity, therapy and new pain.

More Wii here I come


Sunday, December 28, 2008

AB651 continues with AB2747

AB651 The California Compassionate Choices Act
by Twinkle EKV

AB651, the bill to legalize assisted suicide in California failed in the State Senate Judiciary Committee on June 27, 2006. While several disability rights organizations opposed the bill, the continuous movement to legalize assisted suicide and euthanasia will without doubt continue aggressively. Opponents believe that no one should have the right to choose to die, while others maintain they have every right. I myself would be one of them. I supported AB651 and will support those that will come.

Why? Those who suffer from chronic illnesses, chronic pain, incurable diseases, who are inoperable with cancer, failing organs, who are living on borrowed time should have an undeniable right to decide whether they want to continue on living in such a manner or die with some dignity and inner peace. And while they never had a choice in the beginning of it all, they have a choice in the end. After all it is their end, is it not?

A family member does not want to know that their afflicted loved one might be allowed to let themselves go, nor would they themselves want that choice because they can't bear the loss. Understandable! It is the people that are left behind who suffer the aftermath, the mourning and no one wants to endure that no more than the one who wants to endure living in a state of emotional hell. Let the person not suffer when an opportunity exists that they don’t have to.
This bill is for assisted suicide. It means that with a doctor's knowledge and awareness of the intensity of the person’s illness allows a recommendation and assisting the patient in dying. Tell me where this is faulty and make me believe it and I will reconsider my views, otherwise I will continue to maintain that AB651 and similar bills are just.

It matters little to me in regards to those various reasons that the law was denied. It does however concern me that another person, government, states, etc, can choose for me. In an inevitable end, a bill matters not as there is always still one way out and that choice belongs to no one, but us.

(Published by the Independent Opinion and additional sources in 2006)


Assisted Suicide Bill Passes California Assembly

Democrats voted for the bill, Republicans voted against it


(There is a sense of hope and peace after all)


Party Party and More Partying

So there's been a party going on here at home for 2 days now. Oh everyone left at one point to sleep or whatever it is that they did and not 6 hours later everyone was back to party some more. Supposedly some of them couldn't get into the club (dress code) so the party came here. The girls are allowed to wear anything at the club, pajama night means they go darn near naked, but the guys on the other hand, that's an entire other story.

The first night I made a casual appearance to our living room to mingle a little, when I say a little, I mean a very little. I was back hidden in our room by 10pm. And I had to lock the door or I would be um... talked to? Handed shots? Coerced into dancing? Now I love to dance, but I just wasn't feeling it, ya feel me?

Last night I could have sworn I heard voices and music, but I must have thought I was dreaming, (I party in my sleep) I didn't find out until the man told me when I woke up today that, yep, there was voices and music and yada yada yada.

There's suppose to be yet another party in 3 days, New Years Eve!

I'm just really not into it. It's easy for some to say I will be by then, but no, I don't think so. I rather spend it on a more quiet level with the man, playing Wii. I still haven't played that.

I like my shots or two from time to time, but not in a partying atmosphere. The good Lord knows I could drink most all of them if not all under the table quite easily, but it's just not my cup of tea in larger crowds anymore.

I can't handle loud noises, loud music only if it gets my ass shakin' and my freaky on, otherwise I can't handle the rest. My legs don't treat me well, so when I dance I have to dance solo, not with others, well okay, maybe enough to tease, and it's nice to have my name screamed (Go momma, go momma, go twinkle, go twinkle) because they want an encore from me, but hey... it's just too hard and I pay for it for days.

I can hope that the surgery center calls tomorrow with a next day appointment. That will get me out of it all since it takes a couple of days to heal from the injections. That's what my fingers are crossed for. Then I'll be forced to lay on my tummy for 2 days. (and maybe play the Wii with one hand)

Hm, not nice really.

I just don't want to keep being the party pooper that I've mostly become.

Party Party and more Partying

Where can I hide this time.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

A Bit of Heritage

As I lay sleepy, my right leg splayed out on the bed, the knuckles of my left hand rest softly against my forehead, I think of my distant heritage.

A part american indian girl, Cherokee, the word that came to be accepted by most, but originally called ourselves Aniyunwiya "the principle people" and is spelled and pronounced Tsalagi in our own language.

Our culture having an even division of power between men and women. Cherokee men were in charge of diplomacy, war, hunting, leading, providing. Cherokee women were in charge of farming, harvesting, cooking, cropping, property, and family.

Men made political decisions for the tribe, and women made decisions for the clans. Chiefs were men, and landowners were women. I open my eyes and think of the beauty of the women, the way we moved, the way we presented ourselves, long beautiful hair braided or loose, soft strips of leather woven through our tresses, our wrap around skirts and poncho-style blouses, moccasins.

Our men in breech-cloth and leggings, shaved head, perhaps a single scalplock or on occasion porcupine roach. Living off the land, using only what we needed, taking care of our own. How I'd love to be there again! I compare it to my lifestyle and find the details the same and I smile slowly.

I think of how our men treated the women and our women treated the men and I smile again. A woman being property but also owning property. He could beat his women, sell her, trade her, she would please him, serve him, make a happy home.

A man gives away trouble, he cherishes devotion. His to do with as he pleases, when he pleases. Toss her to the furs of another, or keep her explicitly to himself. I think to myself, "only a fool free's a slave", a quote from the gorean novels by John Norman and comfort comes from believing it to be true.

I recall my fathers words, "if you ever put yourself in a mans position, be prepared to be treated like a man". In otherwords, if I chose to raise my hand to my Master and strike him, be ready to be beaten down.

I have never lost sight of that. He raised me well. I think of the binas I wear, or the hemps and numerous bracelets, the bells on my ankle, the collar around my neck, the belly chain. This has always been my apart of my dress and demeanor, since atleast a young girl of 11, slavery exists and existed in the pieces that don my body.

It's such a precious vision of comparison even though many may not understand it. I close my eyes and continue to wander back in time because all of my past, present and future was born of it.

Friday, December 26, 2008

What a Wonderful Christmas

This Christmas was high spirited and warm. We began our morning with coffee for the adults and hot chocolate for our son and grandson.

Jose and Rikki (rikki is the nick name of our army girl) took the love seat (figures), Maggie (the nick name of our oldest) and lil o-z (our son) took larger sofa, De'mantai (our grandson) took the floor, I took my Christmas present that was gifted to me the night before (a cozy rounded large chair) and my Master pulled up a chair from the kitchen table to take his place before the Christmas tree. That's his place, he hands out all the gifts to who they belong to. My pile of gifts kept growing. Far exceeding anyone elses. It was very overwhelming for me. I became teary eyed.

I said it's my job to make all you happy, I don't know how to feel about all this. My Master said that's why, you never ask for anything, your focus is always on us and everyone else. This year our focus was you. My heart was racing to the extent I was having a mild anxiety attack. It was a feeling of being scared and I had absolutely no reason to feel that because I truly was happy and humbled.

We sipped our warm drinks and began to open one at a time.

We all smiled together and laughed. I'm so sentimental, I got teary eyed again, when I opened a bracelet and necklace from my Master. Sterling silver, I love silver. Am not a gold girl at all. And a new collar from Eternity which was already around my neck, fully circular, relatively thick and continuous, an allen wrench is required. Unlike my previous one that had a lock on it. Another bracelet that says "love is patient, love is kind, love never ends". There was still more for me unopened.

Jose and rikki got the family a Wii gaming system, rechargeable controllers, games, an additonal controller, games, wow. I was dumbfounded, those aren't cheap.

Santa brought our son (While he's known the truth about santa for years now, we've taught him that as long as he keeps Santa in his heart, Santa will keep coming) an Xbox Live and games and an additional controller. Jose and rikki gave him a certificate for a year of live gaming and Jose gave him a certificate of crazy amount of points.

Maggie got him two pair of shoes, Fila's and fubu's. A black pair and a white pair.

We got him 2 pair of pants (the current style) 3 shirts, collared, not overly dressy, the kind that looks like one has a shirt over the other, but is really one piece. Looks like a black long sleeved under the top one. He loves them. He also got his very own toolbox (Now he can stay out of his Dad's... well uh, hopefully)

I gave my Master several Craftsman tool sets. An all in one electric hair cutter, trimmer, shears, etc. (that thing does more than some of my yum yum toys). A thick link bracelet and chain.

I got atleast 10 dvd's. A webcam, A laptop stand on wheels, adjustable table, and a side table for books or a drink) (It will go perfect beside my new comfy chair), a hair braider, a digital camera, 2 robes, a shorter one and a long one, slippers, a kaboodle of hair ties, 2 bath sets with lotions, oils, soaps, bubbles, salts, everything a girl needs to relax in.

Oh, I got a sidekick, too.

Maggie got a Cannon digital camera (from her sister), a dvd player, wireless card for her mac, digital photo frame, 4 dream catchers, one is a windchime, another is huge (she collects them, right down to having one tattood on her lower back), a dream catcher zippo and a few other things.

Rikki got $50 in ring tones, a popular game for her lapmac, (I can't keep up with all the games, so don't know which one) A pink laptop case (who knew it was triple the price because it was for a mac), a bracelet with pink stones (the girl loves pink) and a few other things. (Since she's in the Army it's so hard to shop for her)

Thad got an xbox, too and games from Maggie (we went in on it with her), he got a trimmer set, some shirts and a kick in the ass. (I won't tell why)

Jose got a $50 gift cert for game stop, a zippo, and other things.

De'mantai got a game system for little children 3-6, clothes, a hoodie, shoes, sleeper, a toddler couch that turns into a little bed, misc toys.

We gave Jose and rikki some cash to get a room (They like to get their freaky on, too)

This was definately the year of giving and receiving. My Master and I were both blessed with some funds less than 2 months ago. The rest is for the rainy days ahead.

Everyone had stockings full of trinkets and things. The dog and cat had their own, too. (well, it was only fair)

It didn't stop here or should I say begin here, we also sponsered 2 families locally, donated to a charity, gave to a child here in town, and attented our daughters boot graduation in South Carolina in October, drove on to Georgia and spent my 40th with my mom, dad, sister and family (it had been years since I seen any of them). Gave my mom and sis a few dollars, we just really tried our best to share. That's how we are.

The first thing I did with the money that came in my name was buy my Master a 46 inch flat panel tv that he hung over the fireplace.(10 years ago we lost everything in a blazing fire including 48 inch big screen tv in an oak cabinet with doors to open or close it). So I gave it back the best way I could. And for his birthday mid month I gave him a Sirius sterio system for the van and well a little of this and a little of that. (including a blow job or 5)

See how I mean about it being so much? What's a girl to do with all this? (It might be time to start cam sluttin' again) There's things I've even forgotten to mention, plus I cooked a turkey dinner. We were all very happy.

The best part of it all was the love, care and warmth involved.

What a wonderful Christmas!

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

It's Christmas Eve

Well not exactly Christmas eve yet, Christmas eve day? It's really going to be a wonderful Christmas. All the kids will be happy with their gifts. We made up for previous years. Oh, they always got, but this year... this year will be more special.


I went to Pain Management yesterday, one of my meds, Clonazapam was increased for the nerve damage. The temperature of my legs were way off, by degrees even. My left foot and leg are mirror imaging the right which I started to wonder if it was all in my head. My doctor assured me that it wasn't.

I'll be doing another series of 3 Lumbar blocks soon, but no schedule of appointments as of yet. They are done 1 week apart for 3 weeks, outpatient surgery. I'm usually injected 3-4 times at each block. The soreness from the injection site usually subsides within a day or 2. And when I get good relief my pain levels decrease from the normal 7-8, which is often 9, to a 2-6. Them 2's brighten my eyes, my spirit and my family.


The family reunion on Saturday was great until after we got home and I found out a few things that was said. The things that were said weren't personally about me or my Master.

I may discuss this at a later date.

Merry Christmas Everyone

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Old Gor - New sluts

I lay and wonder what happened to the way things use to be. Old Gor. The strict, often harsh, men led world of Gor. When did the sluts start to run the show? When was it that the men began to allow it? Usually when something doesn't feel right, it usually isn't.

I remember a time when the men would not tolerate the insolent behavior of whining wenches. "Subbie princesses" as they were once called. The term referenced not a slave, definitely not a gorean slave, but a submissive with choices who chose to do as they pleased and made themselves look terribly during the course of their chosen motives.

When did it become okay to ruin a mans reputation because of hurt feelings, seperations or lack of communication? This doesn't settle well with me. It doesn't settle well as a living gorean.

Oh I understand hurt, I understand anger. I just don't follow suit the same way. It's not my way. It's not the gorean way.

Does it matter if the rumors that are spread are true? What if they're not? What if they are only half truths?

A man should be left to conquer his own demons, make his own wrongs right. He doesn't need a slut to destroy him. What man would want a slave like that? If they can do it once, they will certainly do it again. You might be the next to feel their wrath.

And once that happens, you'll understand.

You might even think "Damn, why did I fall for it, why did we?"

But by that time, you've already participated in the same destruction, you've submitted to the will of the beast.

Now you're left to conquer your own demons.

Sometimes it doesn't go away.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Surprise of the Day

My pain has been tough lately, I was allowed to sleep in again today. Our son came in and said "Somethings here mom, you need to come see". I was asleep so in my groggy moment I replied with "Put it away, Rikki doesn't want us to see". (Rikki is our middle daughters nick name) What I meant by that was that our daughter had told us gifts would be arriving in the mail and to just put them away until then without opening the boxes. I didn't get up.

What must have been a few moments later, my Master came in and said there's something you need to come see, still in a groggy state, I replied with something like, I can't right now. He said I need you up NOW! With what was a command I leaned up right away and without hesitation. He said we'll get you some coffee and I declined.

I walked slow and limping out into the livingroom, I caught a glimpse of our older daughter standing at the end and to the left of the hallway that leads to the dining area, by this time I knew either something was wrong or they were waiting for me to see something.

As I turned to the right toward the livingroom before me stood our second daughter who's in the U.S Army and beside her her boyfriend also in the Army, both stationed in Georgia at the moment.

I couldn't believe what I saw and had to take a second look. I hugged her immediately and pulled the boyfriend to me also. The first time we've met him.

I gratefully accepted the coffee

Originally we knew she was coming home for Christmas on the 17th. And then it changed to not knowing when or if even at all.

The family was all in on it. A surprise for me. I was sad thinking she wasn't coming home, but was trying to remain positive.

What a very Merry Christmas it already is. All our children home for Christmas. Also the first one celebrated in our new home.

I couldn't be more happy.

My surprise of the day!

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

A Diabetic Awakening

My Master was diagnosed with Diabetes 2 years ago while being hospitalized for a heart attack. He was discharged after having 2 stents placed in his heart and being diagnosed as well with the Diabetes.

He's taken 7 different medications for the last 2 years. He wears Nitro around his neck just in case an attack comes on again.

I was diagnosed with Diabetes about a year ago, borderline, I don't take any meds for it.

A person close to me Mistress M informed me of many things I didn't know regarding Diabetes in a long telephone conversation. I am grateful to her. While I blogged info on Diabetes on my 360 2 years ago, I have forgotton what I learned. We know now that we have her to help us with further info if we need it.

She's sending us out 2 testing monitors? And some strips. We really need to take better care of ourselves in this regard and test regularly. We'll call the doc to get a script for additional strips.

Diabetic coma, loss of eye sight, crashes and other things really opened my eyes even more. Very scary.

I am very grateful to her for her love and concern. And for taking the time to explain all this to me. For sending us units to take care of ourselves. Thank you Mistress!

It began to make me wonder if the neuropathy I already have from severe nerve damage and other illness might not be instigating my pain with Diabetic neuropathy as well.

A double wammy.

A definate diabetic awakening!

Fall Outs

I've been having a fall out with someone for awhile now. Unstable for the last few weeks. It's best to fix things and move on. I just worry it will happen again if I let my guard down once more.

Time always tells.

If any of you out there have fall outs, try to fix them, it's not healthy for any ones mindset to wonder what they did or what they could have done to change it. Things happen. Fix it!


Christmas is so near, our daughter and her man should be arriving from the Army by next week. First they were suppose to arrive home the 17th, and then weren't going to make it home at all. That was heartbreaking! And now a possibility that they will be home afterall. I sure hope it doesn't change again. We miss her and are very much looking forward to meeting her boyfriend.


Pain isn't treating me kindly, the cold weather doesn't help my bones. Having difficulties walking at all today because my right leg keeps seizing. That's something that comes and goes and never quite sure when it's coming. My flares have been rolling right into another. It's tough. No complaining though, everyday is a lesson learned on how to cope.


I do hope everyone out there is having a good holiday season.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Elysian Reveries of a Slave Girl

Greetings to the Free
Greetings to the imbonded ones
Greetings all others in between

My blog is a diversified compilation of various aspects of my life. Gorean philosophy, living gorean, consensual slavery and the order of nature, not necessarily natural order. I have read the books as well has my Master. Neither of us have read Prize of Gor yet. I am more of an "Old Gor girl" rather than a new one. This means that I am use to the strict days, when subbie princesses would have never had a chance and men were men. Strong, strict, but not without understanding men. The days when one would not dare call a gorean man kind.

I spoke in third person all of my years online, until this last year. Third person speech is still beautiful to me in many ways, but it was used as a continous reminder of ones place, that she was not I, but she, property.

My blog consists of all of my life. Past, present and future. You will find that I won't stay on one subject matter. I will be sharing the moment with you. My blog is based on reality. Offline, or what some call real life or rl will be discussed as well as things pertaining to online.

You can learn more about me in my profile. I love meeting new people.

To those who have corrected me in the spelling of my name, I thank you, but the spelling was not a mistake. It was given with an h to differentiate myself from other kajirae when present together. And it is pretty, too. ~smiles

May your visit be a pleasant one

I wish you well and enough
Always be as well as you can be,
~His slave