Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Holding My Head High/Myoclonus

My head is held high as I move up and forward in life. I've been spending hours upon hours job searching. Compiling several possibilities, shortening my list to the even better ones, applying, etc.

I have a lot of experience, in a lot of areas, none expertise. The last 2 days I've been focusing more on work from home positions, but I really want to work outside the home a few hours a week. I've already hit brick walls and I knew I would. It's the working outside the home jobs I'm not yet having any luck with. So far, my legs are the problem in these. While I believe I could do it with a sit/stand station or reasonable accommodations I'm not what they are looking for.

I'm in one of those damned if I do damned if I don't situations even applying. The application process.

The law doesn't require me to reveal my disabilities, but if I'm not honest how does that work establishing honesty with a prospective employer from the get go? It doesn't.

I am extremely uncomfortable about this. I have to tell enough for a chance at accommodation that would better enable me to work or I'd be fired the first day as I would not be able to perform my duties.

Sitting is the less of my worries, but I cannot sit longer than an hour a straight either. I could push it to an hour and a half and would, but I'd be screwed in body doing so.

Standing in one place is for 5 minutes is just as bad as walking and pushing myself to 10 minutes, when I can go 7 minutes fairly well putting pain aside.

I'm trying hard each day to be able to wear shoes for a fair amount of time, but none of it would even equal a 4 hour work day. I had not worn shoes in nearly 9 years prior to my FRP. During desensitization therapy I started with sandals that covers the top of my feet and made it to about hour finally during the last 2 weeks of the program. I can could wear tennies for approx. 30 minutes. Since being home I've increased my sandals to 1.5 hours at a time, and a few times twice a day. Tennies close to an hour and longer if not walking.

I have 3 pair of sandals now. Yay! I love the look of all of them. They are totally me!

I have NOT been released to return to work, but I have been okay'd to search. My docs will approve or disapprove when an opportunity for hire has occurred.

This all seems complicated for me.

What if someone hires me? I still need it to be approved by the docs. I would feel disgraced to to have to tell the employer.. oops sorry Doc said nopers. I feel like they would think... then why did you even apply and waste our time? That would make me feel bad.

I have Myoclonia or Myoclonic seizures/jerks now. I fall into 4 of the 8 separate types of this. It's extremely scary when it's happening, but so far it only happens when I'm lying down or trying sleep. I can't imagine it happening when sitting up or out and about. As it is, it briefly causes my heart to stop, skip, and pound like in fear or sudden fright, and I have to remind myself to breathe again.

Doc did say my new med should help this in a few weeks. I do hope so because this happens at least a half dozen times a night.

So that there is no misunderstanding, these are not epileptic seizures of my brain. It involves my nerves and other factors. I was diagnosed with Dystonia a few years ago.

We got a new puppy that was delivered from Los Angeles last night. I'm raising him for our daughter until she comes home from the Army in December. He's 9 weeks old and she named him Sergeant. He's a feisty lil shit. Already commanding my attention and all. Am already potty training him and I'm feeding him by our daughters schedule for him.

He's already chewing on things.. like.. um me! And that's a no no. Will bite him back if he keeps it up. Am not kidding. ~smiles

Until next time..

1 comment:

Snowbrush said...

I have night-time myoclonus for which I once took Klonopin but now have something else that I can't remember the name of off-hand because I take so many pills that I decided to give this one up. I'm down for another surgery in December.

I've missed you. You quit dropping by so I quit too when I gained followers who did drop by, but I still think of you and I still admire you.