Lingering Pain

For days now, weeks even, pain has been lingering harshly. Partly due to the fact I slammed my foot somewhere at the side of the bed causing a small cut, I stumbled and rolled on my toes. I knew it was giving me troubles and when it happened I even screamed out something to the effect I broke it again. As the initial pain from the slam eased down, I quit thinking about it. Going to the ER wouldn't have done me any good 'cept caused us a medical bill. Not like I could have gone to get a shot of morphine or something for that pain.. I can't take Opiates while on Suboxone.

One thing I learned in the FRP is not to focus on pain. In prior years I did. I think many of us do.

An example of focus would be that I would often look at my foot, and dwell on the 3 scars there, the discoloration and so on.

Days later when I took a really good look at it, wow. No wonder. When in the shower I hadn't looked down at all, soaking in a epson bath I did. There's a dark bruise from the beginning of my third toe to the side of my baby and at least the size of a half dollar moving upward toward right mid foot with a small cut from the impact.

But that's not where it hurts the most from this recent injury... it's hurts above my ankle on the right. Stabbing and deep.

I took pics in case my PMD wants to see or just to keep in my home file.

It's not easy to not focus on what hurts. Distraction is the best.

I've been using my Light Relief System for my right hip and thigh... it helps while it's on me, but not much after its not. It's the heat source that works best I think. Course the lights may have something to do with it.

It was a costly modality when my Master purchased it for me a year ago.

I'm thinking of trying aspercream again. I used all those products years and years ago. Salonpas, aspercream, icey hot.. capsaisen? etc.

But anything with that icey stuff in it makes me scream. Am serious. Not a good thing at all. It doesn't help, it worsens it.

I slept with 6 Lidocaine patches on last night and continued to wear through out the day. Usually one is to wear them 12 hours on 12 off I believe, but mine are prescribed for 20 on, 4 off.

I had them stuck from my right butt cheek to beneath my leg and my hip and thigh..

It just doesn't penetrate deep enough for relief. I can't recall the ingredients of the asper cream but if I do recall correctly... it's just an aspirin pain relieving cream without all that other crap.

You'd think the others including bengay for arthritis might help me for my arthritis, osteo etc... but I guess because my CRPS overlaps it with the nerve damage it's why it doesn't.

I'm just glad I didn't biff it again, my knees have taken on much damage from falling. Ugh.

Each time I fall I'm reminded of the original fall that caused all this. I guess that's the PTSD messing with me. Remember specifically tripping and having my hands out to break the fall, and tripping and tripping because there was nothing to grab onto. Needless to say I really did fly. lol Until I landed on the back of my head, my ass, and my back on a hard cement floor..

I never was xrayed for any of that. And I never did push it.

Looking back maybe I should have. On the other hand, sometimes it's just better to leave things be. Dunno.

It'll be 9 years on the 26th of this month.

Nothing has stopped hurting since. But in it all I've been able to walk many shoes I may have otherwise never done.

My knowledge, compassion and understanding keeps me going.


Until next time...