Feeling Overwhelmed

We went out of town on Wednesday and returned Friday evening. Even fun took it's toll on me. By the time we returned I couldn't sleep even though I tried and tried. Finally the next day I fell off to rest, waking this evening. Prior to us leaving my sister made it to a safe house for 3 days before getting on a plane back to Georgia. She got her job back already and will work from there to get her children returned. She had 3 broken ribs from husband, someone wanted to pimp her out, and another had nearly raped her. But she got to that safe house and made it back home. We had sent her some cash and mom and dad sent her a plane ticket.

The stress from it was tough, so we just bailed out of town.

I still feel overwhelmed though not exactly sure from what.. maybe everything. Maybe about the future, maybe yesterday, the present... all of it wrapped up into one, seperated into categories... pieces and parts.

It feels like some one has a tight hold on my spine and is twisting. Probably too early to have done all that sitting I did. 9 more days is 8 weeks post op. I have to charge my butt and am putting it off. Some thing I've never done before is leave home without my stim. I didn't realize it until half way to our destination. He was going to turn around and come back home, but I told him I could handle it and so we just continued on. I thought I could.

My spelling has become terrible to the point of sometimes needing a spell checker. My sentence structure is screwed. And it embarrasses me even if no one realizes it. I'm just not thrilled with things.

I am keeping up with leading the group well, but I'm not even sure how long I'll remain apart of it as I may need to leave it as a moderator eventually. It's hard to choose oneself over others. It's just not my nature.

Maybe some whiskey will do me good. lol. Throw back a few like a bar slut. Been there, done that. Few regrets, if any.

Maybe I should make an avatar and play in a chat room. Not like I'd be doing anything but playing, duh. But alas, nothing like that amuses me enough to try or stay.

Maybe I should be a phone sex op... oh wait, I already am. A year or so now. hahaha. It just doesn't rock my ship, float my boat, or wet the panties I don't have on. Haven't come across anyone that good.

I'm probably the one filing her nails while on the phone with you. ~ah well

The goal is to get you off, ya know. Never failed at that one.

Until next time...

Be good... or be good at it.

Mom's Day & Lil Sis

Mom's day was both nice and stressful yesterday. Nice in that my Master and children made it good for me, stressful in that my brother in law wouldn't stop calling me. My sister ran away from him the night before. He wanted to know where she was, if she was coming here, if she'd be back for their court date on Tuesday, was she getting on the plane on the 15th to Georgia. And all the same questions and talk over and over and over.

I laid on in the sun yesterday, next to the kiddie lagoon pool, I tried to relax inside the water. Cool water helps my nerve damage, cold water worsens it. That water had been waiting for me since the day before. I laid out that day too for a little while as the man did repairs on the home.

I was gifted sterling silver slave bells. Yay! I've worn bells on my left ankle for years, with periods in between that I hadn't. I had indian leather wrapped around it before he put my new bells on. I got another set of EZ combs, one silver this time. I love silver. Am not a gold girl, unless it's white gold. I got bath beads, soaps, a rose. Was happy.

I came in from the pool about 2:30 p.m. Was asleep by 4p.m, other than the phone that kept ringing. Finally I asked my son to shut down the ringer. I really couldn't take it.
Woke up at 3:30 a.m this morning with 6 voice mails. Today being not a weekend anymore, I can't talk for free. We're on a minute plan.

I love my sister, but we're very different. Our lifestyles outside of any lifestyle is different.
She's my only blood sister. She'll be 38 this month. Can't say too much other than she's relapsed again. It's her husbands fault as well, they beat the crap out of eachother on a regular basis.

It's the kids I'm frantic over. They are all in foster care currently. In the last 2 years we have taken in 2 of my neices. I am just not well enough to do it again. And how do I choose one of 5 children to take? While the other 4 says how come auntie didn't take me?
Sad, very sad. I didn't need this now.

Not when I'm being given a chance to have a life again. A life specifically meant for my Master and his own kids.

I've been pushing myself to start some things before starting the Compass program. Being out in the living room again more, and outside the last couple of days. But I'm in so early and back to sleep. Tomorrow is my monthly appointment at Pain Management. Not sure yet if my meds will begin to be decreased at that time or not yet.

I don't like being involved in family squabbles, I don't like being put on the spot. But when backed into a situation, I'll do what I have to. And I did. Of course everyone that knows me even semi well knows that....... I'll never tell. No matter how many times the phone rings, I'm mailed, or I'm pressured.


The picture I added is of me and my lil sis. (Shuddup people, my legs haven't always been that spread with my boobie's popping out, ... okay, maybe)

Until next time..