We went out of town on Wednesday and returned Friday evening. Even fun took it's toll on me. By the time we returned I couldn't sleep even though I tried and tried. Finally the next day I fell off to rest, waking this evening. Prior to us leaving my sister made it to a safe house for 3 days before getting on a plane back to Georgia. She got her job back already and will work from there to get her children returned. She had 3 broken ribs from husband, someone wanted to pimp her out, and another had nearly raped her. But she got to that safe house and made it back home. We had sent her some cash and mom and dad sent her a plane ticket.
The stress from it was tough, so we just bailed out of town.
I still feel overwhelmed though not exactly sure from what.. maybe everything. Maybe about the future, maybe yesterday, the present... all of it wrapped up into one, seperated into categories... pieces and parts.
It feels like some one has a tight hold on my spine and is twisting. Probably too early to have done all that sitting I did. 9 more days is 8 weeks post op. I have to charge my butt and am putting it off. Some thing I've never done before is leave home without my stim. I didn't realize it until half way to our destination. He was going to turn around and come back home, but I told him I could handle it and so we just continued on. I thought I could.
My spelling has become terrible to the point of sometimes needing a spell checker. My sentence structure is screwed. And it embarrasses me even if no one realizes it. I'm just not thrilled with things.
I am keeping up with leading the group well, but I'm not even sure how long I'll remain apart of it as I may need to leave it as a moderator eventually. It's hard to choose oneself over others. It's just not my nature.
Maybe some whiskey will do me good. lol. Throw back a few like a bar slut. Been there, done that. Few regrets, if any.
Maybe I should make an avatar and play in a chat room. Not like I'd be doing anything but playing, duh. But alas, nothing like that amuses me enough to try or stay.
Maybe I should be a phone sex op... oh wait, I already am. A year or so now. hahaha. It just doesn't rock my ship, float my boat, or wet the panties I don't have on. Haven't come across anyone that good.
I'm probably the one filing her nails while on the phone with you. ~ah well
The goal is to get you off, ya know. Never failed at that one.
Until next time...
Be good... or be good at it.
The Black Dog
9 hours ago