Tenative Schedule, Thoughts and Things

I start my program in 2 more days and have come up with a tenative schedule to begin with. I'll set the alarm for 6:45 a.m. We would have to be out of the house by 7:50 a.m since I have to be there by 8:30 a.m. I'll have my clothes laid out the night before and either take a bath the night before or a shower first thing in the morning. I'm not sure yet. I should figure it out by trying both during the first week. I know that I will have to keep morning activity and moving about to a minimum since I'll need my energy/legs at the program. I get out at 4:00 p.m, so should be home by 5:00 p.m. Compass is right next to my pain management center and from that office there's a huge window attaching both centers. Anyone in the clinic are able to see into Compass. I'll have my lunch ready the night before, too. Everything ready so that each day starts with little to do before heading out.

I'll have coffee for breakfast, I don't eat in the morning. i may try to get into the habit of doing so, though. Even if it's a bowl of cheerios or an apple or something small. Maybe some toast.

Even though there are places to go for lunch around the center, I would never make walking it, so will be having lunch at the program each day.

In the evening when I get home, I'll spend it with the family out in the living room, make dinner, have dinner with family (this may not begin until the second week) and return to our bedroom around 7:00 p.m. to try to wind down and sleep.

Unfortunately it takes my body longer to rejuvenate, so I need more sleep, when I'm able to sleep that is.

I've already cut my meds down on my own to prepare me for the first week. I've been withdrawing some. Feeling a bit out of it, but it's nothing like when I went through severe withdrawals from Morphine months back. One medication I know won't be cut at all is the Morphine. I'll remain on that. Tizanadine, Neurontin and Klonopin is what's been cut. This should help my mind and my memory, already my pain has increased as a result.

It's one of those things that you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.

When I come to our room at night, I'll check the pain group and respond as needed. I've already spoken to the owner and the senior leader about my absense the next 6 weeks. I'm fine and my position is solid at this time.

I'll be keeping a diary of my participation in the program because even though I'll be there, doing all that is required, I still may forget details, so this will help me remember.

I don't know what the heck to do with my hair. It's become so long that after washing and conditioning it, it takes me 20 minutes to comb out. This is going to drive me coo coo. I may have it fully braided, not necessarily beaded, but that way, it's ready to go for atleast a week at a time. Otherwise will pull it to the left side and twist it (similar to a braid, but 2 parts instead of 3). Since my bangs have grown past my chin I've been twisting or braiding them often to keep them out of my eyes.

I'm not sure as of yet if I will check my email or anything else when on lunch break. My phone has full internet capability and I've never used that feature. I've used yahoo messenger, windows live and aim on it, but have never used it to log into any site. He pays $30 a month for me to have that feature and I don't use it. I do use the email feature though. One email address, a tmoble one, I've never even given out, so it just remains idle. Atleast it's clean from junk.

The man already got his fathers day gift early. A G1. That phone is awesome! I've never been interested in newer or fancier phones, but that one? I can't wait to get it as a hand me down. Right now I have a SideKick which he bought off our daughter for me for $60 when she paid $300. I don't even know how to use most of what's on it. It's good for sexting though. hehe, um, I mean texting. Have never even used the camera on it when on my old phone I often did. Have had it since Christmas time when bubbles came home on leave from the Army.

I'm really going to need the man to keep me doing what I learn in the program after it's completed. It's different when you have a team of doctors/people pushing you, leading you, supporting you and then coming home and possibly dropping all that was learned. Have to incorporate the lessons into everyday life.... forever. Or it won't do much good for the future.

Have been thinking about life after the 6 weeks alot. I'm going to be re conditioned by people, men, other than my own Master. This bothers me.

I'm going to have to learn to trust others that aren't him. Other men touching me, and yet another getting into my mind.
~rubs her temples

Just don't know about that. I'm not confortable spending all but maybe 2 hours a day with people other than my family.

Contrary to popular belief, I'm actually quite shy. I'm playful and outgoing, but I'm not used to being touched by others.

When I went through my meetings to be considered a candidate, I was asked questions by the psychologist I didn't care for. I answered honestly, but I don't want it brought up again. It has nothing to do with this. If it is brought up again, I'm not sure how I'm going to respond, I do know it would begin with a stutter.

My collar in all the 5 years I've gone to the pain clinic has never been acknowledged or questioned openly. My slave bells have. For the first 4 years I went there, i wore bells, then I took them off for a surgery, we moved, and I didn't put them back on because I had 2 other surgeries following quickly after. I have them again. I was honest, I told them what they were.

I do vaguely remember one surgery in which when I was placed under anesthesia I started babbling. lol. ~blushes. Oh yeah, I babbled about that. Ya'll know what that is, dontcha?
Slavery.

It's never been brought up since.

Well I think I've babbled enough...

Until next time...

"If God brings you to it... He will bring you through it"