3 Weekdays Post

Am 3 days post program. Not including the weekend. This sucks. And not in a yummy way either.

Yesterday I went grocery shopping, I came home rested and then made dinner. Tonight I began making steak chicana to take for Fridays graduation. It takes a long time to make this. First is the meat in the crockpot over night and then tomorrow all the rest is added.

Anyway.. I'm doing things like this, but it still doesn't seem like it's enough. Maybe it will never seem like it's enough, but I have to learn to be happy for what it is.

So far... that's not happening.

I already feel myself slipping. I try to keep my self-talk positive. I do make 3 daily goals. But...

Ugh...

I am accomplishing them so far. hahahah... Doubt that will last long. (not good self-talk)

I start on Monday's starting um... next Monday.

I guess my nerves are up there right now and I'm torn between caring too much and not giving a shit.

Not nice really.

I've never been a quitter and everyone keeps saying... you aren't a quitter, you fight and fight.... yeah... I do, I have...

but for fuck sake... how long am I suppose to keep it up.

It's really only "acting".

The better and better I get at that means no one will ever know otherwise, unless I tell them. And probably not even then if I'm good at it.

I'm probably not making much sense right now and that's okay....

Mostly.

I danced my ass off the other night....

And that pain was so worth it.

Until next time...