Saturday, December 12, 2009

ADHD, etc

Just when I thought life couldn't get harder.. it is. As some of you may know, I've been home schooling our son for the last 4 weeks. Yesterday school officials informed us that he would not be allowed back in school without a doctors release and being medicated.

He's been deemed severely ADHC by the Connor scales which 3 teachers and the principal filled out. I've seen changed in our son this last year, but I honestly believe that too many people are being given diagnosis' just to add meaning to problems. In our sons earlier school grades he was quite smart, his grades and SATS above average.

My son just can't sit still, he's bored easily, unlike some kids he takes extra initiative to answer questions (a few of his teachers praised him and us for this) the others found it disrespectful. When an adult is negative to him or tries to scold him, he will lash back out. He's very dominant. He won't stand down especially when he is right.

"course I've looked up all the symptoms and he has them all. It's just that I believe kids are affected by lifes circumstances. Heck, adults are affected by same and lash out.

Kurt was 3 when I was injured. He's gone through much and lost much. I believe that people possess inner strength to over come most all things. I've been teaching him deep breathing, things that I've learned for my own illnesses to learn how to be calm during the worse of it.

Needless to say since we've received that phone call, I've been... I dunno..

Only know our son is everything to me and I don't see how someone can force us to medicate him. I would do anything including medication to help him, but I'm not sure that's the right way to go.

We lost our health insurance nearly a year ago and the man has been refusing medi cal and similar since. We have never applied for things like this. But now, he say's for his sons sake, we have no choice. He's say's he's been helpless to help me all these years and I assure him it's okay because there's nothing he can do. Keeping me is helping me. He does have a chance to help our son and so last evening we opted to find out how to apply for health assistance. See if it was the man and I, we would not ask for assistance, we raised our daughters up and now need to do what we need to for our son or this will get even more out of control.

I'm just going to keep smiling, and smiling, and when I'm sad.. look at him, our son, grand son daughter's and smile again...

Because when they see me smile, they don't see my pain, and they smile...

I go back into surgery in the next 6 months.. it's all this crap that remains in our sons mind and heart, I know it.

The man and son exchange words often and it's because there's 2 strong dominants under the same roof, strong alpha males and everyone knows put to alpha's together, one of them will usually back down or defer.. these two don't.

Our son knows more about Gorean ideals and gorean living more than most 30 years old. It's been his up bringing and when it comes to taking charge, he's right on top of it.

Surprisingly it's the male teachers that have little to no problem with him except one from time to time and it's the female's that do. We've tried to tell him that once labeled the bad kid, often he will not be given another chance even when he's doing good. We've tested this and we were right.

There were days when he did well in class and still one of those females would find something, anything to put him down for..

I realize it wasn't quite nice to tell his teacher to "Be silent, woman" or "stop yelling at me, woman", but I also realize there was lots more he could have said. I really didn't think it was all that bad. At least he didn't say.. Be silent, slut! lol

Other females like counselor's, passerby's in the stores, or else where, adore him. He holds doors open for elderly, is compassionate to those with my own illness and even others. He cares.

Kurt joined 2 support groups with me at MDJ and was eager to do so. The ADHD group has 467 members, but the ADHD-Teens only 42 and no leader.. I bypassed the application form and notified the owner of the entire site to ask if he would give me a chance in leading this kids.

Being that I'm already a Group Leader there in the RSD Forum and second in charge of 5 leaders, as well as an Advocate, my Master gave me his permission, but warned me to be careful of overload. I told him if it became too overwhelming, I would seek out another leader for the kids and either remain as a back up or step down entirely.

I've been struggling with this in my first group, but the thing is is everyday is overwhelming for me. I have an idea of how to help these kids.. I'm good at things like that. Even in my RSD group, I run games and other things for distraction. Not every thread is technical.

I'm a leader, I'm just not dominant. I defer to the man above me. Even if appointed leader to the ADHD-Teens (as the first and only leader) I would still defer to a man. The owner himself.

So far both are pleased with my work there. I'm allowed to take initiative (that is important to the owner) and I do. I don't wait for someone to give me permission, but I do accept consequences.

Just as a slave, I do not need to be told every moment of the day what is expected of me. I know what is expected of me.

Well phew.. I know I babbled on a lot tonight...

My life has been full of challenges, some extreme, I'll get through this one too...

For my sons sake..

Until next time..


Snowbrush said...

"it's the male teachers that have little to no problem with him"

Why am I not surprised? Could there be an element of feminine sexism at work here? Is the problem really caused by a disorder, or by the fact that he's male?

His kajirah said...

Hi Snow

Good question and this is what is bothering me most. I realize he is a bit hyper, but aren't we all? We have our up days, average days, and down days. I have a hard time accepting he has this disorder as well as even some others out there.

Now I'm not too sure about puberty, but I also wonder if it's not hormones too. He's 12. I raised up girls.

I wonder too about the female sexism, many women think they are above a man and I realize our son isn't a man, but he is a strong alpha male.

If I can help him through this with breathing techniques, counting to 10 when his emotions and temper flares then he will be fine.

The school is telling us he cannot return without being medicated and we do not like this. This has all just unraveled in the last month or so

He's deemed a problem child now and they just don't want to deal with him. I'm looking for an offline support group for him.

Online groups might be helpful, but in person is always best.

My biggest thought that keeps returning is that 50 years ago, even less, boys vented their energies running, playing, working the farms, climbing trees, breaking arms and legs.. they're boys.

And I keep thinking this is what's going on.. he's a boy. When he's treated decently he reacts decently.. when treated badly..

well.. there comes the problem..

Warm wishes,
~twinkle (cali)

Anonymous said...

You have some very thoughts here on your blog, girl. It's a shame you don't come and post this of this kind of nature on the S&S Board. (I'm glad you included our link!)

My nick there is Mastiff, feel free to PM or email, it's always nice to meet other people in the lifestyle. Does your master get out and around? You don't meet many real ones, and I've found very few out here on the west coast.

I wish you well, girl.

His kajirah said...

Greetings Master Mastiff

Please forgive me as I just noticed your replied. One doesn't get notifications of new comments.

Thank you for taking the time to compliment one on her thoughts.

Have enjoyed reading the S$S in the past and am glad you a pleased that one linked it here.

She tries to contain anything health related here as not to seem to seek pity or attentions elsewhere.

Have been accused of it a few times in the past and it made one feel badly.

My Master doesn't get out often and one agrees there are not many of us on the West Coast.

Again thank you Master

~twinkle aka cali