Ramblings of Gor

I find myself disturbed in that all those people, with a few exceptions, who claim to be gorean suddenly carry a holier than thou attitude. I'm not speaking of the free vs slave nature.

The same people that just a year ago Tal'd eachother entering chat rooms, in some forums now consider it role play when others use the same term. People that have claimed the Gorean status for years, the same people. People I once had high respect for is lessening more and more each day.

I am not one of those people who believe respect is earned. Instead I give it automatically and from there it can only be lost. Why should some earn my respect? Perhaps I should earn theirs but that's their decision. I'm not that way.

Suddenly the hypocritical ways and double standards are getting to me. Maybe I didn't see it as much before, maybe I didn't care to see it. It's not my business really. I see it more than I want to now. It bothers me because now I'm seeing those people as fake or liars one way or the other. It's one or the other. Again there are exceptions. They were in the chat rooms all those many years prior and up to a year ago, maybe some still go. The discrepancies are right out in the open, open is good, but do any of them realize that there are people watching and listening and how foolish they make themselves seem. Just because you're not called out on something doesn't mean you're perfect. Just because someone doesn't point out your flaws doesn't mean you don't have any. And just because someone doesn't say "Hey, wait a sec, that's not what you said before", doesn't mean you didn't say it.

I try not to be judemental, if someones not hurting me or my family, I just don't care. I judge on actions and intent, and I suppose I'm rambling along.

I mean really, people I thought high on the totum pole are slipping quickly. The same discussion disguised as a new topic comes up often. People will give their thoughts and be adament about it, but then when one goes back to look at previous posts similar, it's all backwards. Flip flopped in the other direction of thought.

Of course people are entitled to growth and change of heart, but when they claim and stand firm on their beliefs, codes, idioms and standard of conduct and then switch, it seems as if they're being less real than sticking to what they believed in the first place.

It can really put a bad taste in ones mouth for Gor and people in general.

I'm happy enough remaining faithful to the philisophical elements and not the fantasy induendo or the spot light.

Until next time...

Sleeping In

Today is the first day that I've slept in since my block. I've been up by 8 nearly every morning since. I've been keeping myself busy updating CRPSA, publicizing and promoting. My pain is coming back and seems rougher in some areas. It probably isn't. It's probably just the fact that because I've experience decreased pain it only "seems" worse.

On top of it the menstual beast showed up. Dang you Eve. Am gonna getcha when we meet inside them pearly gates. Infact I'm sure God will let me, maybe even encourage me to sock you in your trachea. It's all you're fault you know. You've made all us females suffer all because you just had to disobey and bite that apple. Damn you, slut! Ugh, see you soon enough.

I still haven't gone for my xray. I have until March before the authorization runs out.

Dobbie (nickname) is coming over today, a girl I used to take care of when she was younger, she never had food or things one needs to survive. She slept over all the time.

Been bouncing foster homes since. She's not quite 18 yet. Her brother was adopted out.

Have more updating to do, I wrote a coping with pain paper, and need to get it up. I'm still working on a video, I'll get it completed at some point.

Until next time...

Our Daughter is a Suicide Girl (Model)

My daughter who's in the Army has been accepted as a Suicide Girl/Model. If you've heard of the Suicide girls... she's one of them. All she has to do now is get her portfolio completed and sign her tax papers.

It's for girls who are inked and pierced. You don't get accepted with one or two tats, or even 5. She has 18. Sleeves, tribals, etc etc. Some of her poses will be nude. (back off freaks)

Maybe I'll give you a sneak peek some time. She's hot!!! (yep, think I will)

Did I ever mention Girls Gone Wild? Hm, well that's another story. ~laughs

Very different from her army pics, no smiling, no makeup... just tough.

I'm so proud of her. Achieving her goals and her dreams nearly all at once.

Oh and she's coming home again in April after she completes her AIT. Since she enlisted into the Army through the reserves, she gets to come home before being deployed to Germany. Yay!

Decreased Pain

My pain is still decreased in my right foot. It worked! For how long I will not know. I'm having some trouble with my calf and leg. My back at the injection sites is still sore, but otherwise am doing much better.

In the foot itself my pain level is a 2. Combined a 5.

I really needed a pain break and I got it good enough and I still have 2 more chances.

I am grateful.

1 Down 2 To Go

I haven't slept so well through the night for a long time. And even though I woke up a few times, I was able to go right back to sleep.

I went into the surgery center with a pain level of 7, by the time I went to recovery it was 6 and by the time I left recovery it was 4 and within a few hours a 2. I felt very little pain in the foot itself. But when the nurse was helping me get dressed and I went to put my slipper socks on (that's what I wore there) I couldn't lift my right leg at all, so I ask her to slip it on for me after several attempts of doing it myself. It hurt badly to try to lift and caused a painful reaction to my back. Wasn't too worried about it and declined when she said she would call my doc back in. It was more important for me at the time to have my juice they gave me, I didn't want it taken away. Was thirsty. lol. My foots still about a 2-4, my upper ankle and calf a 5 and my thigh a 7. Overall, it did me good enough for now.

Oh they checked my blood sugar for my Diabetes too, 107. Not bad. No danger zones.

I hope the next block is better. And since I can tell my doc what went on, he can better block me. I have 4 marks on my lower back, 2 where they numbed me, and 2 where they injected me. A little sore still, have to move easy, but no biggie.

Until next time...

Anxiously Awaiting

We leave for the surgery center at 8:00 a.m, my arrival time is 8:30 a.m, and I'm usually back there within 15 minutes of checking in and getting banded. I went to bed early, about 9 or so, slept maybe an hour, got up and begged the man to play Wii with me. My anxiety was rising and I could no longer sleep. I tried back to sleep about 1:00 a.m. No luck. Too anxious, as well.

Just got out of the bath. I cut my hair prior to taking it. He told me a few weeks ago I could trim it, and I just now did. Maybe an inch off the length. I'd be in deep doo doo if I took off more. That's why if anything it's shy of a full inch rather than a bit over.

I suppose I'll be laying here drip drying inside my robe and fiddling with my nose ring until it's time to go. I'm not fiddling with any other rings because then I'd have to go clean up again. hahaha.

I just hope time goes by quickly rather than stalling.

Anxiously awaiting...

First LSN Block Rescheduled

Tomorrows block has been rescheduled from 7:00 a.m to 8:30 a.m. Not much of a difference in time. Hopefully I'll sleep through the night, I cannot eat or drink 4 hours prior. I'm always thirsty and always have a bottle of water near. If I cannot sleep or wake too early it's going to be hell on me. While I probably shouldn't, but have once before, I'll swoosh my mouth with water and spit it out. That helps the dry mouth the meds cause.

Anyway,

I remain hopeful that I get some relief.

Today is the 8 year anniversary of the injury that caused all this mess. Blah

Them people can still kiss my calico ass!!!