Yesterday was a great day with the new position. Around 4:00 p.m the phone rang and it was Pain Management, I could hear the answering machine message from the bedroom I'm staying in, but the phone was so far away, when I heard it being the voice of the assistant at the doctors office, I got up to go replay the message. Then I called them. I have an appointment on Tuesday at 2:00 p.m with the physical therapist and then at 3:00 p.m with the Psychologist. I got my authorization for Compass. By later last night I was in so much pain, I was hardly able to deal with it. It took forever to fall asleep, kept turning to try and get comfortable. Fell off to sleep around 5:00 p.m the first time, then dozed off, several times through out the night, had been awake since around 1 a.m that morning.
Our weather went from the upper 90 degrees to the high 60's. Maybe that contributed to it. The burn in my legs just wouldn't ease up. Still even now it hasn't. I just took 1,200mgs of Neurontin. The.. I'm going to forget I was ever at Marine World drug. We're leaving later this morning to go.
I became Leader and Compass Authorization came the same day, I wonder if this is a sign.
I can now let others know step by step what the process is.
I could mess with the psychologists mind if he asks me if I hear voices..and say.. "omg, did you hear that?. lol
Okay, I like to play with them. ~hangs my head.
I know they're both men, I have their names.
I just keep thinking of the long days required to complete this program. I have to try.
I've been thinking about my 3 goals. I only know for sure that one of them will be weight management, range of motion, etc. I just want to be on my feet again as long as possible. Take walks with my family. Right now, 10 minutes tops and I'm already screaming in my head at 5. This may be an unrealistic goal. They told me 7 years ago, I would be in a wheelchair in 2, I passed that up by many years, just fighting my way through each day.
I'm going to soak in an Epson salts bath pretty soon. Maybe it will take some strain off my legs. I won't even be using them today. It's just that the burn pain exists without weight bearing. It's terrible. I really feels like one has been splashed with hot water, or gotten an extreme sun burn where the heat doesn't come out. That's the nerve damage.
I need to think of long term goals. Not goals for hobbies and such. Goals that will improve the quality of my life. My physical life.
Until next time..
I find myself in a quandary
2 days ago