Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Keeping it Real

While some may not prefer my blog entries containing real offline everyday life, I refuse to be segregated from my own diversities, disabilities, illnesses, passions, fire, ambitions, goals, determination and anything else that is me. It's all me.

2 weeks ago I was doing much better, I participated in discussion more than I had in the previous weeks, even months.

It's been several months now since I've mentioned my ordeals in a CM forum setting.

I posted in the "The week in review" thread and yes mentioned some of what I've been going through.

I posted a few entries in my CM blog regarding schedules and updates. But since this too was put down by you, they have been deleted. Don't want you sniveling anymore.

This here blog is whatever the fuck I want it to be. (some bring out the potty mouth in me (insert your name here) Don't like it, don't read it, after all if you think it's going to be the same thing each time, by all means move on.

RE: 2 excerpts from the previous blog entry above--

Yeah I know, horrible pain, yada, yada, yada we know"

And yet, brave little soldier you are you manage to post on CM and your blog, how DO you manage?"

That doesn't even deserve an answer, that's a fucktard statement- You just discriminated against, hated against, judged and put down every last disabled person, those suffering from and surviving incurable diseases (millions) who ventures onto the internet.

I mean how the heck can they manage? How oh how? You need to google them all (yes it can be done) and tell them it's your opinion they lay down and die. Because if they can make it onto the internet, make posts, in whatever genre they choose, there must not be a thing wrong with them. Or not wrong enough to keep them from doing so. Go for it. I dare you.

You put hateful demeaning, bitter blogs up, you take them down, you leave them long enough for atleast few to read, then down it goes. You repeat this over and over. You've done this for months. Not just to me, you've targeted plenty others and then call them friend again, but I've learned this much... only after you get what you want somehow are they back in your graces. It'll change again.

You take all the good that I do, all the extraordinary good I've achieved even still and try to make it ugly and without merit.

Keep it real karen, or keep it out of my face.

There is not a single chance in the world now that any friendship could be continued or maintained.

Take that as your own wish and want. You're the one that said goodbye.

As for me, I'm keeping it real



phoenix said...

Yup I take them down, it's called regret. I regret them so I take them down, simple as that.

As for your posts, you're right, you have the right to post what you like. HOWEVER when I see things like "...and yet my spirit isn't broken" that just says "look how brave I am".

Honestly I don't care to be your "friend" twink, not when you tell me lies and half truths ex "oh Karen Nyx threw Master Raven out one week after he got back from visiting us". Well not quite, eh twink, he was in Seattle when she ended it, wasn't he? Admit it twink, you told me things to make me hate Nyx, slanted things so that MR came off as the total victim....and remember YOU are the one who chose to make this public.

yes, some very sick people do post online and I admire them and you for doing so. My intention wasn't to discount or diminish that but to point out the "look at me" aspect of your posts and yes sometimes you do come across as "poor little me" which does noone good.

Plus when someone is in unbearable pain you can bet that isn't when they are online, all I have to do is look at the patients I see every day to know that.

His kajirah said...

When I say things like my spirit isn't broken that just says look how brave I am? Well that intention wasn't there, but now, I'm so very glad it came out that way. So very glad.

I specifically told you they broke up a few days or a week after he went to seattle, karen. Very specifically and not once said otherwise. You are the one that told me that nyxie broke up with him. I did not know that. You sit, lay, dwell, fantasize, fabricate, and make things up in your head. For example "And you are the one who chose to make this public".

You've got to be kidding right?

I am not the one who chose to make any public about Master R, Nothing and that's what kills you.

Also I can immediately debunk your claim that when someone is unbearable pain I can bet they that it isn't when they come online. I speak to cancer patients, CRPS patients and other chronic pain suffers who do come on while on morphine bolus IN THE HOSPITAL. It may not be for long periods of time. And even so, so don't pull that on me, you've claimed unbearable pain, and months back spoke of it every other day at least. On open board. People got tired of you too, but know what I never put you down for it. So give me a break. You even told me you're dad bought you a laptop to help you be able to be online because of the pain. The patients you see every day don't even get the benefit of the paper work the doctors need until you feel like as it's your last thing to do, you stated that on open board as well. So don't tell me about your patients, you'd have that paper work done right away. If you cared even a bit about them.

You'll do this to nyxie again, you already have and have again and when a feather tickles your asshole you'll do it yet again.

Let me leave you with a little tid bit-- Do you know how many people on CM that have come to me and told me they admired my strength in being able to talk of it? Most of them won't, ever!
Want to know why? People like you that eventually judge them.

Yes when my pain is at a 8-9 I'm still capable mostly of reaching my hands but a few feet away from where I am in bed and read email, post if I can tolerate..... God, you're really cruel.

I'm being sincere here..go get some help. After minding my business so many times, trying to cope MY way and if you aren't answered or replied to in your timely manner...this is exactly what you do to me. But then we've been through this before. Several times.

I can't be your friend karen. It would never work. You'll keep doing it. It's you, it's what you do.

phoenix said...

NO twink you told me that Nyxie dumped him one week after he got back, that he called her to ask to be allowed to stay, she said no and he went back to Vegas.

Wait, I do the paperwork when I feel like it? Twink I do dictations and it's ALL I do, paperwork is done by the doctors, try to get your facts straight. yes I do care, there have been days when I didn't want to go in but did because if I'm not there noone is.

I bought the laptop and even so there are times when I just can't go online because the pain is too much. Do I go and post about it online, nope, don't feel the need to post every detail of my life.

Twink, I don't WANT to be your friend....honest. Between you and Nyx I'd rather be friends with her, yes she can be a bitch but at least she's open and honest about it.

Homeopath said...

Just found your blog...... Interesting.....I’ll be back to read more.

His kajirah said...

You are absolutely out of you mind. I told you that he was going to Seattle and that he would be going to get her, they would pick up their things, maybe stop here traveling back through to Seattle together. You know that! And nyxie would too. You're trying to get me involved in your drama and put your shit on my blog. See how each time you have to talk about him? I don't give a shit, karen.

Okay my facts were off on your job, but I did read a post about you not getting things in until the last minute.

It seems all you want to do is hurt me, now with your excuse with your laptop, and how you do use it because the pain is too much, but twist it to say, but you don't go online and talk about. How about you just leave me and my life be? Unlike you I'm helping people through my pain. Oh yes karen, big time.

It doesn't bother me for you to be nyxies friend, jeezus karen. I was yours for along time until every time you got angry you posted insults, hurtful things and more on your blog, hell all I'm doing is posting lifes circumstances, reasoning, coping skills, how it feels to hurt and so on. I dont hurt you in my blogs, or talk about others, I may share some of my feelings but I dont flame people.

And it seems here, you want to force me into doing it.

Oh karen do have pity for me, and let me live my pitiful fucking like. And quit putting words into my mouth that damn well wasn't there.

You started this entire exchange maybe your way of manipulating me into speaking with you. Probably so.

Look I'm not trying to hurt you, would you have the same courtesy back?

His kajirah said...

Hi Homeopath

Nice to have you here, sorry your visit caught you in a crossfire.

Welcome to my blog


phoenix said...

Well no, not quite, twink. I remember distinctly telling you how outraged I was that he was on the streets when he could have been with you and Master Erik. Obviously I wouldn't have been so angry at Nyx if you had told me he was on his way to Seattle.

IF I was getting things in late it was because they didn't replace me for a year and a half for vacations and sick leaves....nothing to do with me.

No twink, I'm not trying to get you to talk to me that's what email is for. However when you post on what I'm doing to you, I'm going to defend myself, otherwise I wouldn't have said anything at all.

Not trying to hurt me? By posting my now deleted blog post? What was that love? Certainly it would come under the heading of flaming wouldn't it?

His kajirah said...

Well I'm sorry then, that's not what your post on CM said when you mentioned being taught by Master M and getting tasks completed on time or something to that effect.

See how you flip things. Karen you flamed me first. In the past and many flaming posts you made to your blog, I let it go, again and again. This is the first time ever that I have taken what someone has written about me and brought it back to my own blog because it simply is not fair or humane to attack someone who isn't doing anything to you.

So while you believe you're defending yourself?
Guess what....? Finally, that is what I am doing.

Don't take my easy going nature and abuse it. You are the first person ever, offline or on, I've ever had such an exchange with.

You should give yourself credit.

I'm actually squeezing you into my precious time.

phoenix said...

*sigh* No twink what I SAID is that I process the documents requested by my bosses as a priority NOT my regular work which I put aside in order to process that special document. I think you'll agree that's taking very good care of the patients who are my first priority. Read the posting again.

Interesting how you don't address the issue of the lie you told me about Master R and Nyx.

My postings are gone, you're the one keeping it alive.

As for squeezing me into your precious time..don't flatter yourself, I couldn't care less.

His kajirah said...

I already said I was sorry if I misunderstood.

No I will make no further statements regarding the lives of others. I've answered them over and over. You think I have all this information and I don't, I never have. I only had bits and pieces to begin with and to end with. But you keep trying to pry and pump for things that are not there.

I maintain I didn't tell you any lies. I only told you what I thought I knew or to be true.

Oh and I am flattering myself. You're giving me something else to do. And you like it.