The surgery center called yesterday afternoon to schedule my surgery. It's March 26th at 12:30p.m. While I'm scared in regards to this one, I am looking forward to the reduction of pain with the adjustments and new lead.
I'm going to just concentrate on continuing to lose weight. I should have enough time to lose 5 more pounds. As I mentioned weeks ago, I'm freaked out to gain it while I'm down for 2 months healing. The only exercise I'll get is being helped to the potty. If I keep doing this right the way I've been eating, maybe instead of gaining I can continue to lose weight since I'm not active anyway. Even a pound a week would be great. A pound every 2 weeks. Heck, I don't care any loss would make me happy, no gaining would make me even more so because last time I gained nearly 30 pounds in that 2 months. See why I'm so freaked out? I had to rely on being brought food, or I wouldn't eat at all.
Will move into the other room around the 20th.
Until next time...
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14 comments:
Yikes! Only 12 more days. Yes, you can still lose weight while being unable to move but it takes more willpower. You can do it though!
Thank you for your support, Master Dante.
I haven't lost the willpower yet and I know I will need even more when the time comes.
I really think I can achieve it.
~smiles gently
You're having surgery on the 26th, and I on the 27th. Here's to the best possible outcome for the both of us.
I wish you absolutely the best.
And thank you so much.
Wishing us both easy recoveries.
~smiles gently
I've browsed through your previous posts some, but didn't find what kind of surgery it is that you are having. Do you mind saying? It would help me to decide how much to worry.
Evening
I've had a Spinal Cord Stimulator permanent implant for a bit over 2 years now. I have an illness called CRPS type 2. Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy(RSD) also know as Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (CRPS). It's a very painful illness, major nerve damage throughout my body. I'm needing an adjustment on the current lead/wire on my spine, in additional another lead will be implanted to hopefully give me better pain relief in my right leg/foot. They'll also be re locating my internal battery that's in my right butt cheek, move it upward and pin or stitch it into place. In order to do this they have to cut back into my spine and butt. The worse side effects are infection and paralysis.
Thank you for asking,
~cali
"The worse side effects are infection and paralysis."
You left out death (there's always death), but I'm not one to quibble.
Yes, your surgery is a day before mine, and it sounds as if you're going to be a great deal more incapacitated--I will be able to use everything but my right arm.
Yes death, too. The word I was trying to stay away from. I'll be on my tummy the entire time of the surgery and they will wake me up part way through so I can help them know where my body is feeling the stimulation. I've always had a worry in the back of my mind that what if something happened and I stopped breathing etc how would they help me in time. In my mind they would have to flip me to my back but my cuts would still be open, I always had a fear of bleeding out. I try not to think of that though. But it does linger in the back of my thoughts.
I know too that I'll try to get back online asap because it's my major communication source with the outside world. Plus I maintain a website, I keep updated as much as possible in regards to the illness I have. Promoting awareness, information support etc. It has good information for pain in general too and an excellent page called the The Universal Disorder which covers nearly all pain related symptoms and situations including meds and more.
I'm really happy to have met you.
Sincerely,
~cali
I loved your blog From the Heart. It interested me alot. Thank you for sharing it.
I am surprised that you appear more afraid of death than of pain. Even I have known enough pain that I fear it more than I fear death. Maybe you have just known more pain than I and found a better way to deal with it. If I did not have a wife, I would have seriously considered suicide long before now.
I did my hospital check-in today. My wife is a nurse at the other area hospital, and I've had a few surgeries there over the years, but this is my first at this hospital.
I am as freaked out about this surgery as I have ever been about anything. The idea of completely giving my body (even my life) into the hands of other people gets harder the more I do it. This is maybe my tenth surgery, and they just get worse and worse. How is it for you?
As I was growing up and even up part way after I was diagnosed, I never feared death. At least I thought that I didn't. I didn't think about it really and when I did, I was at ease and it went away.
When I realized I was too far away from any sort of cure and my life would depend on medications and nerve blocks to even cope, I began fearing it.
In all honesty, I have been suicidal several times. Though my medical records say "suicidal ideations" because I've never actually acted on it.
I have done things to myself, when no one was looking, hurt myself to divert pain. Pain diverts pain.
I hurt my family in doing so. It took a long time bouncing back and forth between acceptance and denial.
There are days I cannot even get up. I was embarrassed to use my cane, walker and wheelchair for the longest time and became secluded in our home.
Finally I understood these things were tools to let me be out of the home with my family. While it's difficult to go out on any type of regular basis other than doc appointments, I try my best, even few and far between. I wear down so quickly. The pain drains me of all that I am. I need more sleep just for my body to get a couple of hours of decent time throughout the day. I try to remain positive, even though the nerve damage has spread to the point that it has already began attacking my vital organs.
More people die of suicide with my illness far before it gets to the organs.
I have to be stronger than that.
I go into the surgery center 3 times a year for a series of 3 Lumbar Sympathetic Nerve blocks scheduled 1 week apart until completed. This is my second surgery for the Spinal Cord Stimulator. I've had 2 surgeries on my right foot where the damage started.
I'm the same as you, if I did not have my Master/husband, I doubt highly I would still be here. I also have children and I wouldn't want to take myself away from them, but I do not think I could live without him.
I'll be thinking of you during your surgery and after. I've already been thinking of you as I mentioned you in my recent blog. I want you to know that any time you need someone to vent to, I'm here, or will be as soon as able.
Wishing you pain eased days and nights,
~cali
I wish your would tell your doctor about your fears. They are much more reasonable than many of the fears that I share with my doctor.
I would guess that surgeons are well aware of the scenario that worries you, and that they have ways of dealing with it. In other words, I am confident that your doctor could put your mind at rest.
Am lucky that Pain manager and surgeon are the same. He knows of the fears, um most of them. Am pretty much at ease with it, though there is worry, too. It really only started to this extent the last couple of years. Keeping busy helps, playing games, writing, etc.
~smiles
Are you ready for your day? Am just about. Will be moving into another room of the house Monday.
Best wishes always,
~cali
"...there is worry, too. It really only started to this extent the last couple of years."
No joke. The older you get and the more you know, the scarier it is, which is why a lot of people are just as happy thinking that doctors are gods.
Am agreeing with you there, having that belief in their doctors is really all they have.
Wishing you most well with pain eased days and nights.
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