Night Before Jitters

She feels compelled to let some emotions out. This is her safe place. Her space and so will do so. Yep, am scared about tomorrow. Have had terrible anxiety all day today. Feeling like she's being detatched from her body and then jumping back in. A feeling of a roller coaster going really fast then slowing down then going really fast again. She doesn't favor roller coasters in the first place and so it's a scary feeling for her. She had forgotten to take her Klonopin which is for anxiety and fear. A friend, t, reminded her to do so for the reasons mentioned. She did so. While those emotions are easing now, the thoughts are still looping through her mind.

Will probably not be in any severe pain tomorrow evening as the anesthesia/pain relief from the surgery itself will still be working. 12 hours after is when the pain will start setting in and she will begin to feel the pain from the incisions. She'll be stitched and stapled.

If she recalls correctly, last time the staples were removed 10 days later. The inner stitches desolve. Though when she had the staples removed she did have two stitches poking out of the cut. The doc just snipped them.

The family is getting colds and have had sniffles today. twinkle so does not need to get sick. Hand sanatizer and Lysol is standing by. Several clean sheets and pillow cases. Everything is ready now.

Pain or not, she knows she will be online as much as she can. Even if finger pecking the keyboard. Will be on her tummy in the bed for a couple of days. Her mobile laptop stand which is adjustable will be nearbye. It can also be used as a tray for meals. Will only be able to use one hand to reach out a bit with. Her Norco's were filled today. So have them when the pain starts to get worse.

Being down for 2 months is going to drive her nuts.

Will be taking all piercings out in the morning, he already took her collar back off. Will be wearing light clothing there. Very loose shorts and a t-shirt. No eating or drinking 8 hours prior. That will be tough on this girl. Even the 4 hour no eating or drinking for the blocks is tough.

twinkle is not looking foward to her ass being exposed to an OR of atleast 12 people again. Medtronic will be in there too. Atleast 2 of them. One sits next to the anesthesiologist, so after they cut her fix the current lead and add the other, they wake her up before stitching and stapling her back together.

When the Medtronic guy starts talking to her after she's woken, she's only allowed to say yes or no. Yes to if she feels the stimulation and No if she doesn't. They'll adjust it, and go back to the Yes or No answers again. When that's all accomplished, she will be put back to sleep and the incisions will be closed. Then she goes to recovery for at least an hour. Then gets to come home. Yay!

Tonight twinkle was called on to write something for her pain group unrelated to any of this. It was her knowledge that was being sought. She did so. Is called on often by the Group Leader. This makes her feel good. Even when she's away for days at a time, if she's called upon, she's there to do what's needed right away.

To everyone that's sent well wishes to her here, in IM and in email, thank you.
This means alot.

Until next time